Change
by Sinmora
Summary: JJ contemplates the changes in her life as she and Emily dance around their feelings for one another. Emily struggles to face her past while JJ tries to face the future.
1. Chapter 1

Jennifer Jareau knew. She wasn't sure exactly what it was that her mind was silently screaming inside of her, but she knew it, felt it. Her life had changed.

Only after the cause of this change resigned from the Behavior Analysis Unit did she even realize that her heart and soul and, hopefully one day, her body belonged to one Emily Prentiss. Every movement was forced, every thought on autopilot. JJ's only desire in that moment was to throw Erin Strauss into their unsub's pit of depravity and watch with a smile on her face as he carved out her heart... if he can find it, that is. The images flying through her head bounced between ways that Strauss would be removed from the FBI and possibly this world all together and little moments where the reality of her feelings towards Emily became apparent, at least to herself if not to everyone else.

The softness in Emily's voice when she broke through her hysteria after being attacked by three dogs on Hinkel's farm. In that moment, if she looked close enough, she could swear that she caught a glimpse of something in Emily's eyes. More than fear. More than compassion. Everyone else was afraid for her well-being, that much she could see, but there was almost a hint of panic in Emily's wide, dark brown eyes, like the profiler had entertained the thought that JJ could have died or that her mind was somehow broken from the trauma, locked up within the recesses of the horrors JJ refused to give in to on a daily basis.

And again in the bathroom when she saw the dog in the mirror, Emily was right there, pulling her back to reality. She remembered hating Hotch in that moment. She'd just asked how nothing ever got to Emily, how she dealt with the psychological aspect of her job so efficiently. She remembered her eyes softening ever so lightly, almost as if it never happened. Emily Prentiss maintained some pretty impressive walls around herself, but in that moment and not for the first time, she pulled them down just a smidgen for JJ until Aaron Hotchner interrupted. Then JJ had to painfully watch as those walls slammed down so fast that she didn't stand a chance of catching them.

So, with these thoughts running through her mind, she wasn't surprised when she saw Emily walking through the door of the conference room. It was wishful thinking, a split second of mental weakness for which she silently berated herself. It wasn't until Emily spoke, asking how quickly she could catch her and Hotch up on the case and the relief in everyone else's eyes, that JJ realized that Emily had come back. Again, she trusted her autopilot to take control and get her through the briefing while her mind caught hold of this new line of thought. Only when the teamed dispersed and Emily volunteered to stay behind to work out victomology did JJ allow her thoughts to form words.

"You came back," she whispered so softly that Emily looked up from the file in her hands, unsure of whether or not her friend had actually spoken.

"What's that, JJ?" She asked, cautious of the unspoken things in JJ's eyes. Pain? Fear? Overwhelming relief? Love? She wasn't sure, but JJ's body language suggested that the woman stood ready to move, tense in every muscle, vulnerable in every aspect.

"You came back, Emily. You didn't leave me... us. You didn't leave us." JJ whispered again, fearing that anything louder than that would break the loose control she managed to clamp down on her mind and emotions.

"Jennifer."

And just like that, Emily's life also changed.


	2. Chapter 2

Emily Prentiss never saw the board coming for her head. The only thing she saw was the woman in front of her, tied to a pole, not yet horribly brutalized in ways she didn't even want to imagine. A nurse, a good woman, who was willing to leave work and drive a little boy home who claimed to be sick with a sick father. She hated her job, even as it consumed her life, probably would even take it one day. It wasn't a job. It's who she was.

Unfortunately, the only thing she heard was JJ's voice in her head. The broken sound that Emily will never forget. A tone that Emily wanted to brush away under her calloused finger tips, to soothe with sweet nothings, lies. The world would never be okay. Things would never be right, but she could tell Jennifer that and, if only for a moment, make her believe it.

"_Jennifer."_

"_Emily, I'm sorry." JJ squeaked out, turning from the agent with one hand on her hip and the other over her eyes, head bowed. Her shoulders shook gently, almost unnoticed by Emily. _

_Emily stood but dared not move closer to her friend. She felt it, the shift. The collective IT that hung over her head on a daily basis. The "What if?" in regards to honoring herself as a woman or holding her hard-earned integrity as Special Agent Emily Prentiss. Under normal circumstance, Emily would not have hesitated to hold her friend, hug her, help her quell the turmoil inside. Not this time. No, Special Agent Emily Prentiss of the Federal Bureau of Investigation would not act upon this compulsion to rush to the woman before her. Her hands twitched with the effort of remaining planted to her spot on the other side of the conference table as she waited for JJ to regain her composure._

"_Jennifer, no." She whispered in as stern a voice as she could muster at the time. JJ turned with her tear-streaked face, nearly breaking Emily's resolve. In this room in this moment, this woman was hers. She was Jennifer Jareau, not an FBI agent and not JJ, but her Jennifer, the one she rarely saw but knew surfaced when no other human being could see her. No one except Emily. _

" _Why not, Em?" She countered. _

"_Because we would both lose our jobs, and I don't think either of us would be able to live with that." Emily explained, knowing that she was on the border of not actually caring what the consequences would be. She technically wasn't an FBI agent anymore as she had resigned her post to Strauss only days before._

_She felt as though JJ had read her mind. "You're not an agent anymore, and I can't stand the thought of not being in your life, even if I'm only your friend. I didn't even know I felt that way until you weren't here anymore." _

_Emily thought it odd that Jennifer didn't appear to be afraid of losing her friendship in the confession, if that indeed was the thing happening in this very public police conference room. She took a moment to digest the past few moments of her life, hoping to find something in them that she was misreading, something that might allow her to feign ignorance and return things to normal. When no such instance became clear, JJ took control of clarifying exactly what she meant. "Emily, I see the way you look at me. I overlooked it before but I see you now. I love you, too. I know you've never said it and I certainly don't want to put words in your mouth. Just tell me if I'm wrong." JJ blinked fast, hopeful that her words would move something inside of her friend, help her understand that what she'd seen and felt wasn't just a fantasy her brain created. When she saw Emily's walls crash down once again, she knew that she was right, that Emily cared for her. More than friends. More than coworkers. But as she watched the emotions playing briefly across Emily's face before she shut them down, JJ knew that they would be less than either because of her inability to control brain in this moment. _

"_JJ, this can't happen. We're friends and coworkers. Nothing more, nothing less. That's all I have to give you." Emily felt her heart shatter as the beautiful communications liaison's face fell ._

"_Then that's all I can expect of you."_

"_Being an FBI isn't just a job to me, JJ. It's who_ _I am." _

And as such, she willingly entered the house of a man who had slaughtered women in order to take one more bad guy off the streets. She would not think about JJ hanging back and watching her put herself into harm's way when it's not her responsibility. She would do her job as if she weren't unemployed and rescue that woman inside the incredibly normal-looking house. As she moved cautiously down the stairs, she tried in vain to put JJ's voice away in her mind, to think of her as just another lost relationship, a casualty of her job and of herself. This wasn't just another failed relationship, though; this was JJ. That was the last thought that went through her mind before the 2x4 connected with her skull.

She watched through blurry, swimming vision as their unsub tried to get his own son to shoot her with the loaner weapon Morgan had given her before she came into the house. With the clarity to push the pager button on Hotch's cell phone, she prayed that her friends would be in time to save her from the child. Fear took hold, panic almost. In the few seconds it took the team to move from the front door to the basement, she'd nearly crumbled under the inability to focus her vision and the image of a child holding a glock on her.

She heard the crash of the door. She was safe. She knew it even before the man let her go. She knew it because her mind stopped swirling enough to look up into beautiful blue eyes. Jennifer Jareau. She hated her mind, her heart, all of it. She hated everything that she was. The one person she would always feel safe with was now the one person she had denied herself access to forever.

Emily watched the hesitation in JJ's movements. She didn't even move from the stairs but waited for Emily to come to her. "_She would be waiting forever if I let her." _Emily noted silently. Neither woman seemed to be paying much attention to the scene unfolding in the basement. The cuffs clicking into place seemed to jar the unreal snapshot of their reality. Emily could have died because of something that JJ had done, had made her feel, and both women knew that's why Emily was taken by surprise. A vigilant agent like Emily Prentiss would only allow the victim to be compromised if she herself were somehow compromised. JJ's confession would be just the thing to throw the agent off her task.

"You okay?" JJ asked, reserved and distant. The JJ she knew only a few hours earlier would have been gushing over her by now, rushed into the room to help her up while the rest of the team took control of the situation. Her theory was confirmed when JJ placed a hand on her arm only to pull it back, completely unsure of how to touch the dark-haired agent.

"Uh, I'll be fine." She spared one glance into JJ's eyes. No, she would not be okay, but for you Jennifer Jareau, she would put on a brave face.

"I'll call an ambulance." JJ returned and then left the basement, not even bothering to help her up the stairs even though it was obvious that she probably had a concussion. Emily refused to take offense to the behavior. JJ was dealing with losing her twice in the same week in different ways. That was not something Emily Prentiss wanted to antagonize. To everyone else, it appeared that Emily was being her usual stoic self.

The flight home seemed to take forever. JJ stayed up front with Reid. She never looked towards the back of the plane, not once. Emily knew for a fact that the neglect was intentional because JJ always spoke with her on the plane if only for a few minutes, but this afternoon, JJ's eyes never left the window from the moment she sat down until they landed. Emily's eyes barely left JJ, and she could not stop the self-pity that took hold on that flight back to D.C. To have a woman like Jennifer Jareau within your fingertips and make the choice to let go instead of clinging with every fiber of your being seemed like a punishment fit for the criminals they caught. Morgan, Reid and Strauss sensed the tension in the air, whether they chalked it up to the case or Hotch's quick disappearance after talking with Strauss, Emily didn't know. She didn't care.

As soon as the plane landed, she allowed Morgan to drive her home and said goodnight, not eager for tomorrow to arrive. Her house seemed a little emptier than usual, something she'd long since grown accustomed to but couldn't seem to shake in that moment. The White House caught her attention from afar, and she allowed it's bright light to draw her closer to her glass window, only to regret it the instant she noticed her pale skin and haunted eyes. Some how, some way, she would find a path that allowed her to explore her life as both a woman and an FBI agent. She just hoped by the time found it, JJ would still be waiting for her at the other end.


	3. Chapter 3

Emily stared at the television. She didn't really see anything at all but a blur of motion and meaningless, incomprehensible noise. Her head throbbed from being hit with a 2x4 the previous day, and her mind ached from her own stupidity. Sure, Hotch had already reinstated her to special agent status and her current time away from work was mandatory until a doctor cleared her as fit for duty and no longer concussed. Still something inside of Emily Prentiss stirred and clashed, a yearning of return for work and a desire to remain firmly planted to her couch until her body shriveled and flaked.

Her mother had trained her too well for her to feel any one emotion for very long, so she sat, allowing each thought and feeling to turn on and off at their leisure. Her mother had never been abusive per se, neglectful perhaps. Ignorant is the proper adjective that Emily had decided upon many years ago. Her mother never meant to create an incomplete person; she tried, did her best. While Elizabeth Prentiss could pristinely negotiate with foreign leaders all around the world, she never figured out how exactly to communicate with her daughter. Emily inherited that part of her mother. She could, with every innocent intention, damage the people she cared for the most by creating in them the utmost doubt of her love.

A moment before she tensed her body to push it into motion, a knock on her door held her in the warm spot on her sofa. She clenched her jaw muscles in frustration and rubbed a hand across her forehead before she remembered her butterfly stitches and winced. There would only be one of two people knocking on her door at 6 am without fair warning, her mother or JJ. JJ had been known to show up unexpectedly when she couldn't shake a particularly difficult nightmare or sometimes after consuming too much wine throughout a sleepless night. She had always welcomed those nights, comforting and soothing JJ into some semblance of her usually strong and confident persona. She sighed and waited; those moments with JJ were over. Perhaps, if she stayed still long enough, her visitor would just go away without question.

"Emily?" The peach fuzz voice of Jennifer Jareau called through the door. "Emily, please open the door." Prentiss froze. She wanted more than anything to fling open the door and wrap JJ in her arms and make everything right again, but she stayed rooted to her spot on the sofa.

"Em, I… I'm sorry." The liaison's voice cracked as the tears started to fall. She'd definitely been drinking. "Emily? I don't want anything from you. Please just open the door. I just want to feel safe and I can't do that anywhere else." Emily listened to the sound of scratching and then a thunk. JJ must have sat down outside of her door.

With a heavy sigh, Emily pushed herself up and towards the door. JJ nearly toppled over when Emily opened the door, thwarted only by Emily's knees. She blinked, raising her head to look at her friend, squinty in the light coming from overhead in the hallway. Emily sighed at the tear-streaked face and pulled JJ to her feet by hooking her arms around her ribcage.

"Thanks," JJ whispered when she'd safely made it from the door to the sofa and Emily returned from locking the door.

"Don't mention it. You're not heavy." Emily answered, hoping to avoid anything deeper than JJ's drunkenness.

"Not for that. Well, thanks for that, too, but…thanks for opening the door." Emily didn't know how to take this Jennifer Jareau. Meek and broken.

She'd seen her at her worst before, but those drunken bouts were brought on by a particularly close brush with an unsub or a case that hits a little too close to home. This, however, Emily knew would be a combination of relief that Emily survived her attacked and guilt for having been responsible for her carelessness in the first place.

"JJ, why are you here?" Emily asked curtly, moving back towards the window with the view of the capital. When JJ didn't respond immediately, Emily tried to gauge her reaction through her reflection in the window. That proved futile because all Emily could make out was a blurred image of JJ bowing her head.

"JJ?" She turned to face her friend. "What the fuck are you doing here?" Emily demanded, no trace of softness in her voice. JJ could have ruined both of their lives on a whim of fancy and now wouldn't even speak to her.

"Em… Emily, please don't yell at me," JJ pleaded, followed by a sniffle.

Emily's tense shoulders fell at the sadness in her friend's voice as her chest deflated. "Damn it, Jen. You spring this on me without a moment's notice in the middle of an investigation in the middle of a police station. We work together. On the same team. How in your mind did you think that this would ever be okay or ever happen for that matter? We shouldn't even be talking about it now. Just let it be."

"Why?" JJ stood abruptly, something in Emily's tone triggering her fight response. "Why should I forget about it? So that you can push it into one of the little boxes in your head and forget about me? About us?" She challenged Emily. She may have been intoxicated but her mind remained as sharp as ever, perhaps more so with the courage coursing through her blood.

"What us, JJ? There is no us! No we!" Prentiss gestured almost frantically between the two of them with a flick of her wrist.

"So, you don't love me? Aren't in love with me?" JJ asked, her voice dropping to such a low timbre that sent pinpricks up the back of Emily's neck. Between the stress of the job and now this, Jennifer might possibly be on the edge of a break down. How did she not see this before now?

"JJ. Jennifer," Emily started, moving closer to her friend. She tucked a piece of hair behind her ear and gently cupped her face. "Sweetie, you know I love you."

"Then why won't you let me in, Emily? Why do you keep pushing me away? I'm not asking for a goddamn wedding! I just want to be close to you!" JJ nearly screamed at Emily's reaction to her questions, pushing Emily physically away from her.

Either through sheer shock or her concussion, Emily lost her balance but caught herself on the sofa arm, shock holding her in place. She wanted to give JJ the chance to calm down before she proceeded with the conversation. She'd never seen JJ so volatile, and frankly, it frightened her a bit. At the same time, JJ's actions released the anger she'd been barely holding at bay. Where the hell did she acquire the right to treat Emily this way?

JJ seemed to come to the same conclusion. Her hand immediately flew to her mouth, realization setting in about her actions. Tears flowed freely down her face, but she made no move to wipe them, no move to do anything. Her jaw worked up and down several times before any sound actually passed her lips. "Emily, I'm so sorry. I didn't… this is not why I came here tonight." A hiccup forced her to stop speaking followed by a whimper. She wiped her mouth and nose with the back of her hand and turned away from the still unmoving Prentiss. "I'll just go."

The only sound Emily latched onto was the soft tapping of JJ's shoes as she moved towards the door. Then it stopped, but the sound of the door opening never reached the agent's ears. "Just know, Emily, that I love you." JJ still faced the door, not courageous enough to look Emily in the eye while she confessed her love.

"That first day when we met in Hotch's office. You had such a light and enthusiasm in your eyes. It baffled me how someone so full of life became so eager to live it for death. You were a mystery. One that I've enjoyed trying to figure out. One that has already taken everything I have to give, my heart, my mind, my soul. That's all for you." She paused a moment, allowing Emily to digest that knowledge.

"I know that you're in love with me, too, Emily. That you've given me those things as well. Those things that truly and honestly matter. But somehow, for you, confirming those things through the act of giving each other our bodies is absolutely something you cannot handle. It's the easiest thing of all to give. The last thing to give. But it makes everything else real. It makes our love for each other reality. Even if I walk out this door and never get the chance to touch you, nothing will change. We will still love each other, still support each other. The only difference between now and then will be the knowledge that we reciprocate the same feelings, the same urges." JJ leaned her head against the door, trying to find some sort of strength to turn the handle and walk out of it.

"Emily," she breathed into the wood. "Emily, this doesn't change anything, and I will wait for you. I don't mean that in the sense of a love martyr. I mean that I love you. All of you. Those ugly parts deep inside that I sometimes see. Each and every one of those compartments inside your brain are in my heart, and I want all of them. I want the diseased parts of you as well as the beautiful parts. You don't have to be afraid to show them to me because without those parts, you wouldn't be human. Without those parts, we couldn't understand what it meant to be a good person, to witness the hope we bring to those people we help rescue, to see the closure we bring the families when we catch the bad guys. I love all of those parts. One day, I hope you can love mine, too."

JJ waited, too drained to say anything else, too tired of fighting the dead feeling seeping into her limbs from her chest. Slowly, she raised her hand to the deadbolt, finding the strength to walk out of Emily's condo, knowing she may never see the Emily she knows and loves ever again.

"Jennifer." Emily finally turned her head enough to see her beautiful, broken friend.

"Wait."


	4. Chapter 4

**Author's Note: I do apologize for any awkwardness in this chapter. My best friend happens to have the exact name as one of the leading ladies in my story, so I found myself giggling at the thought of her doing and saying some of these things. On that note, please read and review. The writing I share with others is strictly for entertainment purposes only, so let me know if you enjoy it. I will accept anonymous reviews. So, feed my need to finish the story, and also if you have any fantastic ideas for where the story should go or "missing moments" within the series, please point them out to me or toss me a message and I will try my best to incorporate them into the my story line. **

* * *

><p>As Emily stood to face the woman she loved, she realized that she had no idea what exactly she hoped to accomplish by asking JJ to stay. Neither one of them could risk Strauss finding out about their romance, if that indeed what it turned out to be. It's not as though either of them were willing to risk their jobs, their lives, in order to create some modern day fairy tale. That definitely did not appear to be what this entire situation was about, and Emily tried to understand JJ's speech in a different light, knowing that JJ would walk out that door and never be hers ever again if she didn't.<p>

"Jen, what are you trying to say?" Emily tried to judge her current state, squinting through the darkness of the room. She caught glimpses of tears when the television flashed a particularly bright color, but the workings of JJ's mind remained a mystery as the light did not reach her eyes.

"Do you need us to be lovers for one night? Is that what you are telling me?" Again, JJ remained quiet but turned from the door, finally revealing her eyes to Emily.

"If I give you this tonight, will that be enough to satisfy you for the rest of your life? Can you promise me that when one of us walks out of this apartment that all of this will stop and everything will go back to being the way it was?" Emily tried to make sense or discover any inkling of a clue as to what JJ wanted from her in this moment. She watched her walk slowly across the room as she spoke, wanting her stop but not having any strength to ask her to stay where she stood.

"Em… I…" JJ stopped an arm's length away, searching for some type of answer to Emily's questions. "Nothing will change, right? Nothing can change because this is just the physical act of what we've been feeling for each other for months, right?"

"Jen, this changes everything," Emily answered honestly, barely whispering now that JJ stood in such close proximity for fear of realizing how incredibly stupid this decision would become. "But if this is what you need in order to understand how much you mean to me and that what you're feeling isn't crazy, then I want you to believe whatever you need to believe."

JJ closed her eyes for a moment, allowing a fresh well of tears to escape. She took another step towards Emily and leaned her head against Emily's strong shoulder. "No holding back?"

She spoke so softly Emily almost didn't catch her question. She turned her head downwards, inhaling the scent of JJ's hair, nuzzling her temple with the tip of her nose. "No holding back."

"This lasts for as long as we don't leave the apartment?" JJ traced her hands up Emily's thighs, over her hips but prudently rested them on Emily's back.

"Yes." Emily moved her hands to JJ's hips, gently pulling the shorter woman's body flush against her own. Now that she'd committed to letting this happen, she wanted as much contact with Jennifer Jareau for as long as possible. She'd fantasized about holding her friend, soon-to-be-lover, this close for nearly a year now and intended to take full advantage.

"Emily?" JJ's face held such a look of confusion that Emily's heart nearly broke and simultaneously caused her to smile and suppress a giggle.

"Yeah?" She answered, running her fingers through JJ's hair, savoring the feeling of its silky texture in her hands. She repeated the motion, cursing herself once more. Now that she knew what JJ's hair felt like, she never wanted to stop touching it. This would definitely become a problem during work; though, it would be easy enough in their line of work to play it off as an offer of comfort or support to her friend.

"I've, umm… Emily, I've never, you know, been with a woman," JJ admitted weakly, acutely aware of her inadequacies when it came to Emily. Prentiss felt Jennifer's body tense under her hands with the admission, and the more experienced woman knew that she needed to act quickly in order to quell those fears. JJ tried to look away, but Emily's hands on her face prevented the movement. JJ nearly gasped when she met Emily's eyes. They were warm and full and open, not hidden, not shoved in a box. Emily was letting JJ see her, all of her.

"Don't worry about that, sweetie." Emily pressed her lips to JJ's forehead, her nose, eyes, and finally the corners of her mouth. "I want to show you. Once you get started, it actually feels more natural than being with a man." The perplexed look on JJ's face left Emily searching for more words to help ease her nervousness. "This can happen as slowly or as quickly as you want. It doesn't matter to me because it's going to be beautiful."

JJ's smile reached her eyes only a moment before her lips collided with Emily's. Both women allowed themselves time to adjust to the new sensations coursing through their bodies. JJ nearly melted into Emily from the realization that her most hidden desire actually became reality. The infinite number of times she'd imagined this moment could not even begin to compare to the new receptiveness of her nerve endings. The adrenaline shot through her system so quickly that it left a pleasurable ache wherever her body touch Emily's.

Emily's hands jerked, clenched and then unclench on JJ's hips. Wanting. Aching. Her body and mind warred. The logical part of her brain fought for control, knowing that she needed to let JJ set the pace, decide what should happen and when. But her carnal urges met her logic blow for blow, reminding Emily that she also needed this moment. She had no reservations about making love to women; she'd had her share of lost loves, men and women. But she'd never known what being in love, true love, felt like until she met Jennifer Jareau. It wasn't the frenzied need for experience like when she was a teenager, and it wasn't the comfortable, unchanging stability like the three-year long mistake she'd made before she joined the CIA. Yet, at the same time, she felt both of these things when JJ kissed her. It felt familiar and foreign, controlled and flurried, all at the same time.

JJ pulled back and leaned heavily against Emily at the same time. Her shoulders heaved with the effort of catching her breath, thinking herself silly at becoming so flustered with such a simple kiss before she noticed Emily's death grip on her hips. The tips of Emily's fingers digging into her flesh almost hurt, creating a pleasant heat that pulsed between her thighs. "Em, I…"

JJ's words were effectively cut off when Emily's lips crashed onto hers once again, hands moving, pulling her closer. Her logic clearly lost the upper hand to her desire as her tongue probed, demanded, entrance into JJ's mouth, effectively wiping any thought from JJ's mind. A low moan escaped JJ's throat the moment their tongues made contact, and instinct took over her movements.

JJ's hands trailed up Emily's torso, hesitating briefly before grasping her breasts. Enjoying the involuntary, subtle arching of Emily's back, she circled her palms where she thought Emily's nipples would be. Her smile broke their kiss when she made contact with the hardened nubs in the middle of her palm. Touching a woman this intimately unleashed something inside of JJ, desire, need, confidence. Her body sang for Emily to touch her in the same way, but she couldn't voice those thoughts, choosing instead to put her mouth to better use on Emily's neck.

Emily played with the hem of JJ's shirt, desperate to remove it but loathe to break the delicious attention on her neck. She moved her hands down JJ's body, grasping her jean-clad ass firmly and splaying her hands across JJ's back. She marveled at the softness of the skin there and also the muscle that lay beneath, something that perhaps shouldn't have surprised her. JJ was a runner after all. That thought knocked out all of her reserves, and her hands jerked JJ's shirt upward.

The scrape of teeth against Emily's neck as she ripped JJ away with her shirt elicited a cry from the normally unshakable woman. JJ stared for a moment in wonder once she could see again properly again, strands of hair stringing across her face. They came together once more, Emily pushing her fingers through JJ's hair… mostly to get it out of her way. Her fingers flexed of their own will, pulling JJ's hair tight and pressing their lips harder together when JJ moaned and tilted her chin upward to offset the pressure.

Emily broke the kiss and planted sloppy kisses down JJ's jaw line; her teeth found JJ's pulse point and clamped down on the soft flesh. She couldn't muster the thought to care whether or not her actions left visible marks on JJ. Her mouth moved down to JJ's left collar bone, over her should and then back towards her neck. JJ's knees buckled under Emily's ministrations, and the taller woman bent her knees slightly to balance them.

"God, Emily," JJ started but ended in just a squeak when Emily grabbed her thighs and pulled them up around her waist. Again, JJ simply looked at Emily in surprise but couldn't comment as the agent moved them towards and up the stairs. She opened her mouth to protest that Emily would injure her back when she was tossed bodily onto a soft bed.

Normally, such rough behavior would create apprehension within JJ, but when it came to Emily, it only served to create a larger pool of moisture between her legs. She trusted this woman with her life everyday and knew that Emily would never hurt her or do anything she didn't want. With that flicker of a thought, she moaned unabatedly when Emily removed her jeans and panties in one go.

She followed the motion up and immediately took hold of Emily's shirt, demanding with her hands that the offending object be removed. Emily bent over to allow the garment to slid over her head, fumbling with JJ's bra snaps in the process. JJ's hands moved to Emily's sweat pants, thrilled to find she'd worn no panties beneath them. Emily, however, grew frustrated with JJ's bra. Before JJ could assist, she heard the tearing of fabric and then the frump of the garment falling to the floor.

Emily pushed JJ back onto the bed, easily sliding a thigh in between as she followed the lithe body beneath her. Emily muffled a gasp with her mouth, moving her hips simultaneously to create friction against JJ who in turn clutched at Emily's arms, back, shoulders, neck. Her body exploded in a burst of flames, adrenaline, emotion, and suddenly and urge to cry.

"Emily!" She sat upright so quickly the she knocked her forehead into Emily's mouth.

"Ow," Emily mumbled around her hand, removing her fingers coated with black liquid from her lip. "Jen?" Emily worried less about her lip and more about JJ's abrupt reaction, sensing that she'd touched something inside of JJ that scared the hell out of her.

"Jennifer?" She tried again, ducking her head to make eye contact with those blue eyes. "Baby, please, look at me."

JJ looked up, tears barely held at bay. The concern in Emily's dark eyes didn't help her gain control of her emotions; she pressed her face into Emily's neck and simply let go. Sob after sob fell onto Emily's warm skin as JJ's arms held the woman close to her. She wasn't sure how long her tears fell, but when she finally removed her face from Emily's neck, the sun had already peaked through the windows.

"I'm sorry, Emily. I just…"

"Shhh." Emily followed her directive with a chaste kiss, running her fingers through blonde hair. "It's okay, Baby." She placed tiny kisses all over JJ's face and neck.

JJ tasted the blood in Emily's mouth and gave herself over to the warm feelings once again running through her body, pulling Emily even closer if that was possible. She felt the heat emanating from Emily on her thighs and once again found her courage, her lips finding Emily's without hesitation.

Emily welcomed the renewed passion and maneuvered them again to the bed. She remembered this time that JJ needed to set the pace of things, and right now, it seemed that JJ needed things to go slowly. Cautiously, Emily moved her hands over JJ's body, taut tummy, soft thighs, resting finally upon her rib cage. She stroked her thumb beneath JJ's breast before cupping it with soft squeezes and then taking an erect nipple between her fingers. JJ again broke the kiss to whimper and breath, arching into the touch.

Emily seized the opportunity to move her mouth down JJ's body, her neck and chest. Checking JJ's face for any sign of discomfort, Emily rolled the nipple in her fingers. Finding only positive sounds and facial expressions, she leaned down to take the other nipple into her mouth. JJ dug nails into Emily's back, which only served to turn both of them on even more. Emily moved her mouth, nipping and tugging at flesh on her way down JJ's body.

Emily positioned herself between JJ's thighs, rubbing them soothingly, kissing, licking. JJ's only response became a series of moans and squirms around the bed. Emily grinned at the response.

"Emily! Please." JJ pleaded, taking a handful of raven hair tightly. Emily's grin turned into a smirk, satisfaction in her ability to turn JJ on and make beg in such a short period of time. "Emily." JJ demanded, the begging gone from her voice.

That was all the confirmation Emily needed. Tentatively, she slipped her tongue flush over JJ's clit, moving it slowly at first followed by a series of flicks. She could taste JJ's salty arousal flowing freely from her now as if the clinched fist in her hair weren't enough of an indication. Slowly, Emily pushed two fingers inside JJ, reveling in the moan that came from above her.

Emily kept her rhythm nice and easy, almost in awe at how wet and tight JJ was and how receptive she was to her attentions. Without warning, she pulled her fingers out of JJ and sucked her clit between her lips. She pulled gently with her mouth and then abruptly shoved three fingers back into her writhing lover, immediately setting a faster pace. With every pump of her fingers, Emily felt herself become more and more frantic as if she could already feel JJ touching her.

Fearing that she would falter in JJ's pleasure through her own hazed heat, she moved up the bed, never slowing the fingers inside JJ. Once firmly pressed against the length of the woman on her hand, she placed a firm kiss upon her lips. Her fingers moved faster, harder. With each pumping motion, JJ bodily moved on the bed, jerking and rolling her hips in attempt to keep up with Emily's fingers.

JJ's fingernails sank into Emily's flesh as her head jerked back into the bed. Her entire body froze and then shook uncontrollably with one last thrust from Emily's skilled fingers. A moan filled the room and then silence except for the sounds of the bed shifting whenever JJ's body shook with another wave of pleasure.

Emily placed kisses all over her lover's face and chest. She twitched her fingers against JJ's g-spot every few seconds, extending her orgasm for all it was worth. Eventually, though, JJ's fingers relaxed, and her hand fell from Emily's back. Head lolled towards to one side, breathless but looking content. She pressed a kiss to Emily's shoulder and smiled up at the agent.

"I… wow, Em."

"I know the feeling," Emily confirmed, moving her lips across JJ's neck, loosing herself again in the essence that is JJ's skin.

JJ sighed and enjoyed the attention for a minute, waiting for her strength to return. Moving first one arm and then using her bent leg for leverage, she rolled over and pushed Emily on her back. She trusted Emily when she said that instinct would take over, but all she felt was nervous. Scared that she would never be able to give Emily the same type of pleasure that she'd just received.

She followed Emily's lead, moving from neck to breast and back up to her lips. After a few minutes of exploration, she gained the confidence to let her hand slip to Emily's thigh. A motion that elicited a violent jerk from the woman beneath her. JJ grinned, knowing she'd found a sensitive spot for the stoic agent. She dug her nails into Emily's thigh before she slid her palm between her legs.

Emily sharply pulled air into her lungs and nodded at JJ when she looked to Emily for reassurance. Hesitantly, JJ dipped her fingers into Emily's folds, and then with more confidence, pushed all the way inside the beautiful woman underneath her. First with only one finger and then two. Before long, Emily was squirming in her hand and clawing at the blanket on the bed above her head. Moan after moan of JJ's name encouraged her to increase the power of her thrusts.

"JEN!" Emily's upper body raised from the bed before slamming back down as her orgasm took her.

Jennifer waited and peppered any part of Emily's body she could reach with soft kisses. Then like Emily had done to her, she crooked her fingers up, finding a tiny bundle of nerves just above her fingers. Each time she touched it, Emily moaned her name. This continued for a few minutes until Emily pulled JJ in for a lingering kiss, nuzzling into JJ's neck for a moment.

Without warning, she thrust her finger back inside JJ, pumping quickly as though she wanted JJ to fall into another high before she came down from hers. Well, JJ just wouldn't have that and matched her thrust for thrust. Emily faltered, surprised by JJ's mimicking of her movements before pushing three fingers into JJ's dripping core. JJ felt the challenge and added another finger during her next thrust.

Emily cried out and increased her pace, feeling herself grow closer and closer to the edge. JJ felt it, too. They pumped into each other frantically. Desperate for release. JJ felt it first, pausing momentarily as the energy traveled up her body, but then thrust one last time into Emily before they both cried out in ecstasy.

JJ collapse on top of Emily and remained there as she recovered her breathing. Emily pulled her fingers from JJ and brushed them over the blanket before wrapping her arms protectively around her lover. JJ lifted her head and then pulled a pillow from the top of the bed, reaching for the covers after settling Emily's head onto the pillow. She shuffled until her body comfortably pressed against Emily's, blanket in hand.

"Emily, that was…"

"I know."

"I…" She raised her head, looking for Emily's eyes for reassurance. "I love you." She whispered, scared that Emily wouldn't return the sentiment.

"I love you, too, Baby." Emily traced JJ's jaw line before treading her fingers through her golden hair again. "Sleep. We can talk when we wake up."

JJ nodded, kissing Emily again and then settling her head onto Emily's muscular shoulder. "I'm never leaving this apartment." She whispered before allowing exhaustion to take hold as Emily protectively circled her arms around JJ.


	5. Chapter 5

**So, realized that I should probably stick a disclaimer in here somewhere before some one sues me**. **No, I'm not making money. No, I did not create nor do I own any character from the show Criminal Minds. If I did, my girlfriend would probably break up with me.**

* * *

><p>Jennifer Jareau woke, warm, secure. The dream of her and Emily together left an ache in the pit of her stomach, reminding her of the intense need she felt for her partner. A foreign yet familiar scent tickled her nose as she avoided opening her eyes, wanting desperately to retreat back into her dream world and never emerge again, a world where Emily loved her freely.<p>

This wasn't the first time Emily played a starring role in her dreams, and JJ sighed, knowing it would not be the last. Before this case, everything she'd felt and experienced could be played off as nothing more than stress and the desperate need for a good lay, the object of her affections becoming her best friend because she shared an intimate bond with her. JJ sighed again, reluctant to open her eyes, her dream world lost for yet another harsh day.

"I wish you were real," she whispered, rubbing a hand over her face.

"I wish my arm was still real," came the reply from beneath her.

JJ's eyes flew open, her body moving quickly to one elbow. It took a moment to find focus in the suddenly bright room, not her room, a room she'd never seen before. Emily laughed at the sudden panic in her new lover's eyes and bit her lip. JJ could be really adorable when she didn't try so hard to be in control of everything, though her job allowed little leeway in that area.

"Arm? …Emily?" JJ queried, confused.

"My arm has been numb for the past hour, but I haven't had the heart to wake you." Emily's voice held no contempt for the cause of her useless appendage, simply contentment.

"Oh." JJ peered down at the muscular arm beneath her, wincing at the angry red lines her face left on Emily's bicep. "Sorry… I… Last night really happened, didn't it?"

Emily smirked and trailed her still-working fingers through JJ's hair, tucking a few strands of blonde behind an ear. She followed that motion by guiding JJ's face closer to her own, hesitating only a moment before pressing her lips against the soft ones above her. A fire lighted anew within the two women and before long JJ had straddled Emily, pressing their naked bodies flush together.

Each moaned and hummed her delight, hands touching, tongues dancing. In the warmth of the sun, they made love again. Emily was pleasantly surprised to find the timidity that JJ had shown only a few hours prior had disappeared completely, replaced by confident and forcefully gentle hands. She'd never experienced anyone quite like JJ before and couldn't help her complete submission to the woman's every wish. She was soft and hard, demanding and questioning, taking what she wanted and leaving Emily with a quaking fire beneath her skin. She may never commit to a relationship with Jennifer Jareau, but just then, in that moment, she knew she would never belong to any other woman.

Soon, her body jerked and a scream tore from her throat that sounded vaguely like Jennifer's name. JJ almost gasped at the wetness that came from her lover and stared at her hand in awe. She'd heard of this happening during intense orgasms but she never personally thought she would ever experience… or be the cause of it.

Emily's gasping breath pulled her back to reality, and she immediately took the trembling woman into her arms. Shocked once again when she felt hot tears trickle onto her neck. Unconsciously, she rocked Emily gently, reveling in the vulnerability that the woman in her arms allowed her to see, either willingly or unwillingly.

"Emily? Baby, you okay?" JJ whispered into raven hair.

"MMppf," Emily replied into JJ's wet neck before pulling back, not quite meeting JJ's eyes, embarrassment obvious in her demeanor. "Sorry, I…"

"Hey, that was nothing to be sorry for." JJ ducked her head a bit, forcing eye contact. "You're so beautiful, Emily. I… I want more than anything to be that thing that makes you this happy everyday."

"Jen, don't."

"Why not? I don't understand why this can't be? We can do our jobs without anyone ever finding out! No one has to know, Emily!"

"JJ, please stop. There are things about me that you don't understand and I can't tell you. I'm sorry. Just know that I'm saying no to you because of outside forces. If things were different… I would have made love to you a long time ago. I probably would have already asked you to mar…" Emily stopped, knowing that the more she said, the harder she would make it for JJ to walk out her front door.

"What?" JJ felt the tears fall down her cheeks but made no move to wipe them away. "Emily? Tell me!"

"Tell you what, JJ? That I fantasize constantly about what our future could have been like, together? Is that what you want to hear? Well, hear this, I love you too damn much to let you into my life, okay."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"It means that if we were to be together, as a couple, maybe even as casual lovers, you could end up dead."

"Why? Who would want to hurt me for loving you?"

"Jennifer, do you trust me?" She waited for JJ confirming nod. "Then please take what I'm saying as the truth. I would never intentionally put you in harm's way, and by letting this happen that's exactly what I did." Emily let a few tears slip from her eyes as she stroked JJ's hair, wanting to feel it as much as she possibly could before JJ walked out of her personal life.

"You're asking me to walk away?"

"Yes… I'm not strong enough to make you go. Please." JJ saw the desperation in Emily's eyes. She was holding nothing back, allowing JJ to see everything, even the fear. Especially the fear.

"Okay," JJ answered quietly. She didn't understand and probably never would, but Emily's unspoken words spoke louder than what she did say.

"I love you, Emily Prentiss," JJ leaned in for a soft kiss. "For longer than forever."

Emily forced her eyes to remain shut as she felt JJ's weight shift and then leave the bed completely. The hesitant shuffles of JJ gathering her clothes almost made Emily cry out for JJ to stay by her side. She never thought of herself as capable of making this type of emotional connection with another person, not after Ian Doyle. But that love was based upon lies, one monster to another. That's exactly what Emily saw in herself, evil. JJ was too important to this world to be tainted by her.

"Emily, I don't understand and I won't pretend to. When you're ready to let me in, I'll come running." With that JJ was gone, Emily didn't even hear the door close behind her.

* * *

><p><strong>Okay, so you folks are probably going to filet some part of my body, but I just couldn't resist. I've finally decided how I'd like to proceed with the story line, so stay tuned! As always suggestions and comments are welcome and feed my inspiration!<strong>


	6. Chapter 6

**Okay, folks, hope you enjoy. Disclaimers still apply. Please provide feedback for faster updates. As always, suggestions are welcomed and encouraged. Would anyone like to pick the next episode that I should add a JEMILY snippet to? You all were pretty quiet in the last chapter!**

Three Months Later

JJ froze. Her mind protected her momentarily from reality crashing upon the team. Garcia had been shot? Her best friend in the entire world was on her way to a cold, disinfected hospital while she stood helplessly frozen to her spot like a fool.

She didn't remember driving to the hospital, only that she suddenly woke up and was there. The disinfectant tickled her nose and churned her stomach, not even breathing through her mouth would help that scent. The seconds ticked by almost like they weren't real, that time wasn't real, that reality had some how warped.

Suddenly Reid stepped in front of her. She said something, but her voice sounded hollow, broken. Then Rossi came from nowhere, followed only a few seconds later by a distraught-looking Emily. JJ forcibly rooted herself to the spot where she stood, battling the urge to collapse into Emily's strong arms. To feel the dense bone of Emily's jaw pressing into her temple. To smell the high end shampoo that made Emily's hair so silky. These things would make her safe.

Instead, JJ headed towards the nurses' station, hoping that someone would be able to shed some light on the condition of her best friend. This entire situation seemed so wrong and out of place, like Christmas with no snow. Who would want to shoot Garcia? She reported the news to the team, the lights around her dimming in her helplessness. A voice, Reid's.

"Where the hell is he?" Emily demanded, the energy flowing from her forceful enough to push JJ back towards the stiff, Lysol-scented chairs of the OR waiting room. The ire in Emily's voice reflected everything the team was feeling at the moment. Anger. Confusion. Helplessness.

And JJ simply sat back, limp, and stared at Emily. Her eyes followed the glint from the fluorescent lights on her raven hair, the tightness of her stance. JJ knew that every single muscle in the profiler's body was held tightly, clenched and ready for action; she shook her head when her mind slipped back to the memory of the early morning when they had made love. More often than she would admit, JJ let that memory overtake her when she couldn't find the strength to keep working on a case.

She must have completely lost touch with reality because the warm hand on her arm nearly jarred her to her feet. Emily's hand. Emily's hands were always warm. A tear stung her crystal blue eyes for a moment before she blinked it away; she missed Emily's hands, gnawed fingernails and all. In the half second it took JJ's mind to process all of these thoughts, she'd already taken Emily's hand tightly in her own.

Emily felt JJ's body relax ever so slightly beside her. Scanning the immediate area, she took note of Reid avoiding everyone about 15 feet down the hallway and Rossi and Hotch with their heads bent together, talking in hushed tones, in the other direction. Scooting her body so that her thigh pressed against JJ's, Emily sighed as a little tension released from her body.

"Jen," She whispered, barely audibly.

"Yes?" JJ didn't try to hide the confusion in her eyes. Emily never called her by her first name when other people were around, especially not with the softened eyes with which she was staring at JJ.

"I… I won't leave you alone. I don't want you to be afraid to ask me for help or a hug. I don't regret one second of what happened. It's was beautiful and perfect and right, and I'm just sorry that I hurt you." Emily held her breath, completely out of words and hoping that she hadn't upset JJ further.

"Thank you, Emily." JJ laid her head on Emily's shoulder, reveling in the physical contact. She and Emily had barely touched since they'd made love; simply leaning on Emily for emotional support brought her comfort she didn't even know she needed. "I don't regret it, either. You're the only woman I ever want to give my body to, Emily. I love you."

Emily's mouth formed a small grin at the admission. Though a part of her felt like it was unfair for JJ to feel the touch of a woman who couldn't share a life with her, the other half secretly relished the fact that woman _could_ have been hers. "Love you, too, Jennifer."

She pressed her lips to the top of JJ's head and left them there, wishing the world knew the love to which Emily had forbidden them access. She breathed in deeply the scent of JJ's shampoo, wishing she could run her fingers through the silky gold tresses.

"Close your eyes, Jen." Emily knew that JJ would comply without her looking, and she followed suit, not caring if anyone was watching them. "I'm running my fingers through your hair. Can you feel it?"

"Yes," JJ breathed, so low Emily would not have been able to hear her words if JJ's mouth wasn't but inches from her ear. "My hands are on your hips. I can feel your legs against mine."

Emily shuddered bodily as memories from that night came crashing into her. JJ's response to her innocent game surprised her and thrilled her at the same time. A little voice in the back of her mind told her that she shouldn't be turned on while in a hospital, unsure whether or not Garcia would survive surgery, but both women quickly pushed that guilt aside to deal with later. Right now, they needed to feel each other, to escape the reality that was their lives. Emily calmed her pounding heart, reminding herself that to the casual observer they appeared to be two good friends quietly comforting each other.

"I feel it, too, Jen." JJ's hand jerked involuntarily, giving Emily the only encouragement she needed to continue. "Can you feel my lips on your neck, Baby?"

JJ's breathing increased audibly, pulling a smile from Emily. She loved kissing JJ's neck, knew it drove the younger woman wild. She felt JJ shift beside her, sensing the arousal of the woman leaning on her shoulder.

"Emily, I need you. Can I come home with you once we get word on Garcia? We can just talk or sit or stare or whatever. I just need you. Please."

Unfortunately, Emily never got the chance to answer JJ as Morgan barreled into the hallway, sweaty and clearly confused. Both women felt the guilt rush back to them as JJ stood up and offered some comforting words to the man who looked like a lost little boy. Emily was thankful in that moment that she and JJ were not as obvious about their feelings as Morgan and Garcia; otherwise, the team would already know that they'd had sex.

JJ nearly collapsed when the surgeon entered the hallway and called Garcia's name. Emily sidled up behind her, gently placing a discreet hand on the small of her back. If JJ needed her, then she would be right there every step of the way. JJ's body leaned into the touch involuntarily when the doctor told everyone that Garcia would make a full recovery.

Hotch's brow lightened only infinitesimally as he disbanded the team. The chase was on, and this unsub had six severely pissed off profilers on his tail.

Emily listened for the knock at her door. JJ had been standing outside in the hallway of her apartment building for the better part of 20 minutes, shifting her weight from one foot to the other. Her relationship with JJ had been strained for the past few months since they'd made love. JJ had been afraid to touch her, to get too close. She slipped once on that plane ride back to Quantico, voicing her approval of Emily's desire to have a child. Just before the plane landed, she'd sent JJ a text asking for a meeting in JJ's office. She'd reprimanded the younger woman for her behavior, knowing that anyone watching could see that JJ meant that Emily should have children with _her, _not just in general.

The communications liaison left the FBI building in tears, a guilt-ridden Emily following her home to ensure her safety. She hadn't meant to make JJ cry or hurt her in any way, but Emily knew that she could never have a normal life with JJ. The sooner JJ figured that out, the happier she would be. In the stillness of the night, Emily kept watch outside of JJ's house that night, watching for any sign that JJ was anything but secure. Her days at Interpol conditioned her to function with little to no sleep, and she would use that training to love JJ from afar.

So, when she'd heard the soft scratching of the carpet outside her apartment at 2 am, she knew instinctively that JJ had come to her in the hopes of finding comfort. It'd been a trying few days for the entire team; none of them expected Garcia to be the first of the team to be shot. JJ and Morgan, especially, felt the impact of the day's events, and Emily refused to give into her desire for sleep with the hope as well as apprehension that JJ would show up on her door step.

Another shuffle. A sigh. Emily grinned a little as she flipped her deadbolt and opened the door in one swift motion. JJ gasped, a hand flying to her chest as the other dropped instinctively to the hip that usually held her gun. Emily observed the motion with concern, noting silently that the last time JJ had been this on edge was at Hankel's farm after being attacked by dogs.

"Prentiss, you scared me." JJ had begun calling Emily by her last name when they were alone. Emily figured that it helped her distance herself from the what if's and how come's.

"I'm sorry," Emily moved to one side, granting JJ entrance to her apartment. "I've just been sitting in here listening to you for the past half an hour. Thought I would let you in if you weren't going to knock." Emily couldn't help the slight irritation that laced her words. JJ knew that Emily would always be her friend, so she didn't understand why she felt awkward about coming to her for support. Maybe she shouldn't have said those things to JJ at the hospital, but they were both so weak and needed a connection that helped them escape that ugliness.

"I'm sorry. I… maybe I should just go." JJ turned to leave but stopped at Emily's soft hand on her arm.

"Jen, I don't want to be alone tonight, either." Emily tugged her into motion, shutting and locking the door in the process.

For a moment, they simply stared at one another. Emily moved first, enveloping the shorter woman in her arms. Safety. JJ said three months ago that Emily made her feel safe, nowhere else and nothing else. After witnessing Penelope fight for her life and chasing down her attempted murderer, Jennifer probably needed some protection. If Emily had been more honest with herself, she would have admitted that she needed to feel safe right now, too.

"Prent…Emily, I was so scared." The words tumbled into Emily's neck, vibrating skin.

"I know." Her hand found JJ's hair naturally, sought the comfort of the softness and intimacy that touching JJ this tenderly offered. "Me too. I don't know what any of us would have if Garcia had… if anything had happened to her."

"Mmm." Was the only offered response, making Emily smile a little bit.

"Jennifer, you must be exhausted. Come with me." Emily gently pushed the other woman away from her. "Let's go to bed."

"Em, no, I can't… I won't do that again. It…" Emily watched the panic growing in the younger woman's eyes and acted without thinking.

JJ was firmly silenced by hot lips upon her own. She was pleasantly surprised by the slight hint of beer Emily left on her tongue. The kiss, though brief and innocent, effectively thwarted JJ's protest. Emily pressed her forehead to JJ's and held her tightly flush against her own body.

"Not for that, Sweetheart. To sleep. I'll hold you until you feel like you can take on the world again. Okay?" Emily spoke softly, hoping her words would reassure the woman in her arms. She'd never allowed for this type of intimacy, not after John had abandoned her. When he broke it off, she lost her faith in the power of love, ousting it for the fantasy fairy tale that simply didn't exist in reality. Her time spent with Ian Doyle had been passionate, a part of her loved him, but she never fantasized about a life with him beyond her assignment. And then Jennifer Jareau happened.

Taking JJ's hand, she easily led her upstairs to the bedroom. "I have some shorts if you want to put them on."

JJ nodded and silently undressed. Emily turned her back to JJ, steadying her breathing. She knew that JJ needed her support tonight, but that didn't stop her natural biological reaction to seeing the woman she was firmly in love with undressing by her bed. Confident that her emotions and hormones would remain in check, Emily tossed the shorts and FBI shirt to JJ. She couldn't help the smile that tugged on her lips when her shirt dropped over JJ's head, falling only a few inches above her knees on her shorter body.

As Emily pulled back the covers, JJ stared at the bed, her thoughts consuming her. Emily sensed where her thoughts had wondered but said nothing as she slid into the sheets and encouraged JJ to do the same with a tiny tug on her hand. JJ's eyes found Emily's, almost guiltily as her body complied to Emily's silent request.

Emily allowed JJ to situate herself comfortably with her head on the older woman's shoulder. Emily encouraged her further by clasping her hands around the damaged woman, satisfied when JJ let out a sigh of contentment.

"Em?" JJ queried sleepily.

"Yeah?"

"You didn't come off a desk job, did you?"

Without her permission, Emily's body tensed before she could stop it, revealing the truth to JJ. "Jen, don't."

"I know." Yawn. "You can't tell me…" Yawn. "But I will finds those secrets you compartmentalize." Nuzzle. "Love you."

Emily held her breath a moment before she realized that JJ had completely fallen asleep in the middle of her thought. Her eyes shifted to the window across the room as she settled in and waited for the sun to rise.


	7. Chapter 7

**Hello again! Sorry that I couldn't do the episode "Jones." It happened before my story started. So, I did the next episode with Will in it, which is "In Heat" (S3E17). I will stay true to the chronological order of the episodes and honor the events that happen as much as possible. So, everything that happened so far in the series will happen in my story with my own creative twist. **

**This is a very accurate and thorough episode guide if you'd like to look at some upcoming episodes. It is also an extremely useful tool if you write fan fiction of your own. ****/shows/criminal-minds/episodes/****. Also, if anyone has difficulty getting into Emily's head the way I do, look up some Within Temptation. The songs Memories, Angels, and Frozen got me through this chapter. **

**As always, let me know what you think! Comments, complaints, and suggestions are always welcome! What's the next episode?**

**I own nothing, gain nothing, and borrowed some of the dialogue from the wonderful writer of this episode.  
><strong>

* * *

><p>Six Months Later<p>

Emily couldn't help the clenching knot in her stomach when she looked across the parking lot and saw Detective William LaMontagne standing there. She knew that he and JJ had maintained regular contact since they worked the case with him in New Orleans. At first she thought perhaps JJ used his blatant advances as a countermeasure against her rejection, but the more time that went by, the less JJ spent with Emily. She couldn't be angry at JJ, but she intentionally held a consistent frustration with the situation. She wouldn't stop JJ from moving on if she wanted to get on with her life, but that didn't mean she had to be happy about witnessing the love of her life be happy with someone else.

Emily zombied herself through the case, wanting more than anything to divorce herself from the situation, to get away from the prying, knowing eyes of her coworkers. They were all incredibly happy that JJ had found a love connection, wrongly assuming that Will had been the secret lover JJ had kept for the past year. In reality, she had only been seriously talking with Will for six months, shortly after Garcia was shot. She would drive into D.C., crawl into bed with Emily for a few hours and then jump on a plane heading towards New Orleans. Only twice did Emily slip after particularly difficult cases and let herself make love to JJ. Most of the time, they just clung to each other and prayed for the nightmares to dissipate in each other's arms.

Emily moved through water for most of the case, nothing grounding her to reality except for the nausea that remained her faithful harness. Her emotions warred, sometimes the depression came out on top, other times the jealousy, others still a slow burning rage that bubbled from the very bottom of her pit of darkness. It pushed the bile a little bit farther up her throat every time she looked at LaMontagne

JJ finally took initiative to break the awkwardness between Emily and herself, using a bottle of water as a peace offering. If Emily was as miserable in the jacked up humidity of Florida as she was, she knew that her lover would at least accept the bottle, giving her at least the small bit of contact she craved even if she could make Emily talk about what was bothering her.

"For you," JJ proclaimed, following Emily across the bullpen and away from Will.

"Thank you. You read my mind." Emily replied politely, wanting to shake this awful resentment she felt towards JJ. She knew it was irrational, knew that she had pushed JJ away in order to protect her. She just didn't think it would hurt this much to lose her.

"I don't understand how it can be this dry when it's this humid." JJ offered, ignoring the bite behind Emily's seemingly innocent words. To anyone else, Emily would simply be commenting on the weather, but JJ understood that her words were angry, hurt. Now would not be the most brilliant time to bring up any topic involving Will LaMontagne.

"Sweat all your fluids out outside and then come inside to bone dry air conditioning." Emily clipped out, feeling her skin start to crawl with her effort of calmly maintaining such close proximity to JJ.

"Well, then if I could just hook this up to an IV, then…" JJ deadpanned, wishing she could just fall into a hole in the earth. Talking small talk with Emily was no longer an option for her. She knew that she'd caused the older woman pain and that her behavior was only a defense mechanism. Emily covered pain with anger and anger with sarcasm. JJ held her breath and hoped that Emily would simply walk away from the conversation, literally, even as she enjoyed the slight hint of sweat mixed with scent of the simple ADIDAS perfume Emily wore.

"At least we have something fun to look at. Keep us on our toes." The words slipped from Emily's mouth before she could stop them, and once they were out, she realized that she didn't want to take them back. A part of her wanted JJ to feel guilty for the pain she was causing, but her logic screamed at her that she should punish JJ for something that she was doing to herself. One word and JJ would happily stay at her side, Detective William LaMontagne forgotten forever, but Emily wasn't ready to deal with her demons yet.

"What do you mean?" Feigning ignorance may be the only shot JJ had to get out of this conversation without causing a scene. Perhaps Emily would not press the issue and simply leave it alone for now.

"LaMontagne," Emily clarified, watching the glint of hope fall from JJ's eyes, her beautiful azure eyes that Emily wanted to fall into for eternity and never find her way out again.

"You think so, huh?" JJ couldn't help the shame that filled her voice. If Emily wanted to cause her anguish, then she was succeeding flawlessly. She'd never meant to hurt Emily, but the older woman's behavior confused the hell out of her frankly, and Will made her feel like a princess. She didn't love him, probably would never come close to feeling for him what she felt for Emily, but he made the "come here, go away" game Emily was playing bearable.

"Don't you?" Acid, pure and undiluted acid. Emily felt the string of tears and the tightening of her throat but pushed them away with another drink of her water. She would not break down in the middle of a police station. Especially, not because of Will LaMontagne, the man who was too much of a Southern Gentleman to ever give JJ what she needed. No matter how much anyone on the team tried to deny it, they needed the darkness in order to feel okay, to thrive. That included their personal relationships as well. JJ and Emily needed to hurt each other in order to confirm how much they actually cared, and Emily finally understood that in this moment. That's what has been eating at her for the past few months. By pushing JJ away, hurting her, she actually made JJ fall more in love, made herself fall more in love with JJ.

"Yeah, I guess… he has a thing." JJ agreed, praying that someone would come save her from Emily's anger. She anticipated this reaction but didn't think Emily would be so bold as to bring it up during the middle of an investigation, in the middle of a bull pen, no less. If she had to look at it in terms of fairness, however, she'd sprung a similar conversation upon Emily when she revealed her feelings for her and nearly caused Emily to be shot.

"Definitely a _thing,_" Emily emphasized, clearly indicating the affair JJ had begun with Will.

JJ slammed her hand down on the stack of papers in front of her and grabbed Emily's wrist, pulling her from the crowded room and into the bathroom down the hallway. She leaned against the door to stop anyone from entering unannounced and interrupting or catching a snippet of their conversation.

"What the hell, Emily? What do you want from me?" JJ fought for her voice to remain calm and controlled, knowing if she yelled the entire police station would probably hear her.

"I want you to be honest with me, Jennifer." Emily wasn't sure exactly what that meant; she already knew that JJ had been seeing Will for several months now.

"About what, Emily?" JJ lost some of her ire when she saw the lost look in Emily's eyes.

"Do you want to be with Will? I mean, really be with him?"

"Are you asking me if I'm in love with Will?"

"I guess I am, yeah." Emily didn't want to admit her true intentions, didn't want to know the answer she might get. She knew the sub-reality they had created wouldn't last forever, but her heart refused to believe that it had ended so quickly. In her mind, she would kill Ian Doyle and then carry JJ off into the sunset.

"No, Emily, I'm not in love with him. I want you. Every time he touches me, I pretend it's you. His hands are too big. They keep reminding me that he's not you." JJ found the floor particularly interesting and scuffed her foot across a spot.

"Could he make you happy?" Emily tentatively queried.

JJ snorted, "Superficially, I guess. Emily, just stop, okay. I want you. Please, just tell me that we are going to stop all of this nonsense and move in together and then we won't have to worry about Will or anyone else for that matter."

"I can't. I told you. I need to make sure that the past is dead before I can even think about a future."

"So, you're going to kill Ian?" JJ asked, hoping she didn't just blow everything. Emily didn't like to talk about her past, but she constantly repeated his name when she was having a nightmare. She finally glanced up at Emily, shocked at the expression on her lover's face. Surprise? Anger? Fear? A combination of all of those?

"How do you know about him?" Emily's voice sounded foreign and grated against JJ's eardrums. It was not the voice of the woman she'd fallen in love with, but of this other woman that Emily kept locked away inside of her, the evil Emily that JJ feared.

"You say his name sometimes in your sleep." JJ answered honestly, glad that she was the one leaning against the door and not Emily.

"He is none of your business, JJ." Evil Emily spat through clenched teeth.

"Emily, I'm sorry. I… it's just… I want to help you, but I can't do that if you won't tell me how." JJ pleaded, hoping that Emily would resurface and put this terrifying woman in front of her back into the compartment she crawled out of in Emily's mind.

JJ almost cried out in relief when she saw a flicker in Emily's beautiful brown eyes, and she knew that her Emily was fighting her way out again. She took a hesitant step forward and placed a hand on Emily's bicep, sighing when Emily tensed but did not pull away from her touch.

"I know you want to help, JJ, but you can't. Ian is someone that…" She racked her brain for the right words to say. So many phrases fit into this sentence that she couldn't pick just one. "He was my lover, yes, but I wasn't me at the time. Things are far more complicated than I can explain. I'm sorry, JJ."

"Then I don't need to explain Will to you, Emily. Let's just keep doing what we're doing and see where we end up, okay?" JJ didn't know if she could continue to sleep with two different people, but she couldn't not make love to Emily. Until Emily was ready to commit to her, she couldn't not get that attention from Will. If Emily tolerated her relationship with Will, then there was no need for Will to know about Emily and no need to change anything.

"Okay, Jen. I can do that under two conditions." Emily felt her heart lighten a little, knowing that she wouldn't be losing JJ, only sharing her. Will may get her body, but JJ just told her that she would hold her heart forever. Knowing that she and she alone had access to the best part of JJ gave her the strength to continue their illicit and unconventional affair.

"Name it," JJ said seriously. She did not want her heart to hope until she knew what Emily would be asking of her. Emily Prentiss was one complicated woman to love, but JJ decided that it was worth every ounce of heartache if that meant that she would one day figure out the puzzle that Emily made of her own head.

"You do not stay with me the day before or the day after you see Will. I know it is convenient to stay at my place because it is closer to the airport, but you will not be sleeping in my bed if you need a place to crash. Don't even bother coming there unless you need to because you are too tired to drive back, okay?"

JJ smiled, physically collapsing upon herself with relief. "Done. Absolutely doable. What's your other condition?"

Emily nodded, "Tell the team that you and Will are dating."

"Why?"

"Because I'm not interested in losing my job. Plus, the team knows you're dating someone. I'd rather them think it was Will than me, even though we're technically not dating." Emily explained plainly.

"I don't know if I could do that to Will, Emily. He's a great guy, but I don't want him to think there is more here than there actually is."

"Jennifer," Emily closed the distance between them and kissed her reassuringly on the lips, pressing her forehead against the shorter woman's. Her voice barely came out as a whisper, her fear of being wrong too great to speak any louder. "I will always be here, lurking in your shadow, waiting for the next opportunity to tell you and show you how much I love you. But this, us, will never ever be. Do you understand? If you decide that you want a life with Will, I'll let you go, but I know that he will never have all of you. Those dark thoughts you keep locked away inside, those fantasies you dream about only in the privacy of your bedroom when you are alone, those ugly things that no one else will ever see belong to me. That's why you let me do the things I do to you, Jen. Only someone who can love those disease-ridden parts of you would be strong enough to hold you for the rest of your life. That's me. When you feel your darkness swallowing you whole, you will come to me and remind yourself of why we do the job we do, why we are who we are. Remind yourself of all the beautiful things in this world. Find solace. That's what my arms are for, Jennifer."

JJ sniffled, allowing the impact of Emily's words to wash over her like a cold shower. Emily was right, only she knew just how deeply the darkness inside of JJ ran. She hated her a little for being so right, but knew that her own fear made her feel that way. Sometimes it's easier to hate the messenger instead of believing the message. As a tear dripped from her face and onto her arm, she nodded. Emily didn't need any more of a confirmation than that. JJ understood.

"I love you, Emily." JJ threw her arms around the profiler and buried her face in Emily's neck.

"Shhh, it's okay. I love you, too, Baby." Emily soothed the distraught woman, knowing what it felt like to be afraid of yourself. Her hands trailed up and down JJ's sides, sparing a thought for the case at hand, knowing they were probably missed by now.

"Jen, sweetie, we need to get back to the case, okay? We can talk more later tonight in the room." JJ nodded and wiped at her eyes.

"You go ahead. I'm going to make sure I didn't smear my make up… or look like I've been crying."

Emily dipped her head in acknowledgement and slipped out of the bathroom door.

By the end of the case, JJ had done what Emily had asked her to do. In front of God and the entire team, she nearly jumped on Will Lamontagne and kissed him silly. She knew that JJ loved him, would probably stay with him for a very long time. Who wouldn't? He was the perfect man. Emily prepared herself for the empty bed she would certainly be going home to each night, the sleepless hours spent watching infomercials and brushing up on the many foreign languages she spoke, and she would wait. When JJ needed someone to understand her darkness, she would come, and they will wallow in the shadows together until they can both face the light once again.


	8. Chapter 8

**Sorry for the EXTREME delay, Folks! Had to do that little thing called a thesis. Psh what's graduation compared to the loveliest ladies on T.V.? Disclaimers apply. Review, criticize, suggestions for any upcoming chapter is welcome!  
><strong>

**Music: Unsung - Home, Closer to Death/ Within Temptation - Memories, All I Need**

_My Dearest Love,_

_Though my logic tells me that I should never put these words to paper for that makes the emotion behind them all too real for me, my heart tells me that I must make myself human. I know that I've hurt you, something that I wish every second to retrieve and settle that ache upon my own shoulders. I thought perhaps if I ignored the burning hunger I have for you that it would simple recede into my mind and be forgotten, but it seems that the memory of your gentle caress upon my soul cannot be so easily snuffed out, just like the light in your eyes. It's been four months, 2 weeks and three days since I last made love to you, since you touched the very quick of me, and that bothers me more than I would like to admit._

_Time moves strangely now, no matter where I am or what I'm doing, when I think of you or see you across the room and especially when I'm with you. Everything whirls around me in slow motion, but it always seems to pass too quickly. I suppose that's what falling in love is like. It's fast and slow and painfully pleasurable, a smoldering thief that steals my reason and shakes my core until I have no other choice aside from submitting or pushing you so far away that I have room to run. I find, however, the very moment I have adequate room to breathe, the air becomes so thin that I can't take a deep breath until I move closer to you once again. You are my life line, and I have no option but to follow you._

_I never knew what it meant to give myself to someone so completely until you gently broke lose every strong hold I had protecting my heart and soul. I'm not sure why I ever thought I could simply walk away from the light you shine upon my darkness. I can never tell you everything about my past, but I want that light to shine hope in ever crack and crevice of my future. I only hope that I have not wasted too much time living the life of a woman who has been long dead. Take as much time as you would like. I will wait. I will be here. I am ready to love you, cherish you, the way I do in my dreams each night._

_For longer than forever,_

_Emily_


	9. Chapter 9

**Disclaimers apply. Please review. The next two episodes will be "Lo Fi" (S3E20) and "Mayehm" (S4E1). If you have any suggestions for plot or snippets of scenes you feel would be appropriate, please let me know. All suggestions are welcomed, and I will do my best to work them into the story!**

**Music: Unsung - Home, Closer to Death/ Within Temptation - Memories, All I Need**

Emily read and reread the words over and over, looking for any lies or hidden meanings. Satisfied, terrified, that she found none after so many times through the letter, she sighed deeply, fighting the urge to shred the paper and forget her crazy ideas of asking Jennifer to commit to her and her alone. Nipping the corner of her thumb nail with her teeth, she suddenly wondered if a handwritten letter would seem too old fashioned to JJ. Maybe she would find it so incredibly cliché that she would laugh and think it a joke.

Emily released her thumb and rubbed her hand across her face, sparing a minor thought to the spit that had accumulated on her thumb and now cooled one side of her face. Deciding to ignore proper manners, she flicked her brown eyes towards the clock with the brief hope that she could get a few hours of sleep before heading to Quantico. Her stomach clenched when the evil little metal hands mocked her, telling her that she'd been sitting at her desk for nearly 6 hours: writing, crying, wanting. 'Wanting Jennifer to come knocking on my door,' she thought sardonically, knowing that JJ would probably be getting off a plane right now, returning from her weekend with Will.

The thought of his hands on her Jennifer sparked white hot anger in Emily, the adrenaline solidifying her determination to call Jennifer to her once and for all and never share her again. Anger. Jealousy. Depression. Despite Emily's denial, she knew within her heart of hearts that she had changed, lost her zest for life, that depression and loneliness would be all that awaited her for the rest of her life if she let JJ go without fighting for her at all. JJ had been pulling away from the team lately, keeping her secrets close while allowing her hormones to run rampant. Emily knew then that she was losing JJ. To Will. To him. To the very arms which Emily had pushed her into because she had been, and still is, so afraid of touching something so beautiful while she viewed herself as something just above the monsters they seek out and catch every day. Perhaps what frightened her more than touching JJ's pureness was allowing JJ's essence to touch her. Change her. Mold her into something good. She'd learned a long time ago that is easy to live in the shadows and pretend to atone for some evil that you'd committed in a past life. It was her way of accepting the facts of her life; she was paying for her transgressions by being made to suffer at the hands of those who should have loved and protected her most.

Decision made, Emily folded the letter with a tender care that betrayed the near rage that made her hands shake with adrenaline. Her Jennifer would never make another trip to New Orleans unless she was accompanied by Emily, who would help her collect her things from Will's house and help the poor man understand that he could never have JJ. She glanced again at the clock, letting its ticking help her plan her morning.

Shower, do not fix hair, let it air dry and softly curl.

Minimal makeup, accentuate the eyes. Jennifer loves your eyes.

Grey suit with clingy white shirt underneath, check. Don't want anything to appear out of place to the rest of the team.

Letter firmly tucked securely inside the pocket of your jacket. Check.

When that far away look appears in her eyes, you will give her the letter and apologize for being so stubborn and allowing your fear to control your life. And hers.

Emily blinked at herself in the mirror, checking for imperfections as she avoided looking into her own eyes. Even though her promise to control her fear was one she planned to make good on, she refused to acknowledge the fear, even while alone in the privacy of her own bathroom. Unable to find any other little thing she could use to stall her drive into Quantico, she bit her lip, grabbed her go bag and left her condo. Her excitement about finally resolving her issues with JJ took control of her foot, and she pulled into her usual parking space 30 minutes early.

"Damn," She whispered, gently setting her head against the leather of her steering wheel. Jerkily, she reached for her glove compartment, pulling out her emergency pack of cigarettes that usually only made an appearance after an extremely difficult case or long night of drinking. Her fingers numbly worked the pack, ripping the soft cardboard top at the edge. She pressed the car lighter in and waited, reveling at the calming effect just holding the paper-covered tobacco and toxic chemicals had on her nerves. Almost as good as holding Jennifer.

Growling out loud at herself, she jerked the pack up from the seat where she had tossed it and shoved the cigarette back into its place, jumping at the loud click the lighter made when it finished heating. The tempting sound nearly made her pull the smoke back out and light it, but she slammed the pack back into the glove box and shut it with much more force than necessary. Her hands gripped the wheel, knuckles white, as she fought the urge to smoke. Finally, she reminded herself that she didn't want to smell or taste like an ashtray today, not when she knew she would be kissing JJ in the women's bathroom in only a few hours, or maybe behind JJ's office door.

The thought of touching Jennifer sexually in her office while the rest of the team remained completely oblivious only a few feet away sent heat through her body, fanning the excitement that already pooled between her legs. She gripped the steering wheel harder, clamping her thighs together in a vain attempt to alleviate some of the pressure built up there. Damn you, Jennifer Jareau was her only thought. No person, man or woman, had ever caused Emily to lose her ironclad control on her body or mind the way JJ did. The woman didn't even have to be in the room for her to be wild with hunger for the media liaison.

Another frustrated growl escaped her lips. Her motor functions were erratic and uncharacteristic as she wrenched her key from the ignition and exited the car. Her heart was leaping into her throat further and further with each step that brought her closer to the BAU bullpen. Not even the choking scent of exhaust, motor oil, and sour milk of the parking garage that usually disgusted her all the way to elevator could distract her from her goal this morning.

Her heart sank, however, upon reaching her destination. JJ was already in her office, on the phone, clearly not in a position to be disturbed if the look on her face was any indication. Emily watched for a moment, feeling all of the ache and anguish of the previous night return to her. JJ looked… happy? Content? Emily couldn't be certain on the second one, but definitely happy. They obviously hadn't gotten called in on a case, but that wasn't any reason for her Jennifer to be grinning the way she was right now.

Lost in her thoughts, she unconsciously gripped the letter in her jacket, thinking that somehow she could convey the words to Jennifer from across the room. Why was Jennifer so happy? How was she so happy without Emily in her life? This was the thought that seemed to catch JJ's attention. She glanced up, instantly making eye contact with the other agent from her office. Emily watched JJ's good mood fade into something that almost looked like pity as stared into her eyes, saying a few more things to the person on the phone. Only after ending the call did she break eye contact, knowing she didn't need to say or even gesture anything else to Emily. She'd moved on, and now they both knew it. Why?

Emily knew why. Because of him. Because he had the good sense to hang on to a woman like JJ. Because he didn't keep his darkness close but shared it with her, and shared in her light. Because he was everything Emily was not.

She watched Hotch leave his office, usual scowl in place. She watched JJ's face fall even further as she dialed Will back to tell him she had a case, which meant he had probably been planning to fly to Quantico today, which made no sense in the first place. Emily knew that JJ had flown to New Orleans over the weekend, so the fact that Will was flying to D.C so soon after did not bode well for Emily's plan. She could almost kiss Aaron Hotchner right now, for spoiling Will's trip, for giving her private access to JJ when they share a hotel room. She'd make her move then.

"Prentiss!" The smooth voice of Derrick Morgan cut through her reverie.

"What?" She answered, not bothering to cover her annoyance.

"Well, Princess, when I say good morning to a beautiful lady, I'm not used to being ignored." He'd turned on the charm, made a joke on her behalf to prevent any embarrassment he might have caused her. She smiled. For all of his "player" tactics and smooth talk, Morgan was one of the most decent human beings she'd ever met.

"Just checking your ego, lover boy." She bantered back, halfheartedly without a single care that it quite possibly could be the lamest come back she'd ever uttered. "Hi Reid," she added, making eye contact with the young man so as to avoid a similar incident with him. She only hoped that he would not start spouting some statistic about the amount of women who would snub a good-looking guy like Morgan in his life time. The men seemed oblivious to the fact that Hotchner had personally accepted a case without consulting JJ first and were genuinely surprised when their easy day of paper work turned into an emergency flight to New York.

Though cases usually send Emily's blood buzzing with the thrill of the chase, she could barely contain her excitement as she gripped the letter in her jacket throughout the entire briefing, crossing her arms to conceal her clenched hand. This letter held the key to her heart, and she intended to bestow it upon Miss Jennifer Jareau in New York City. She nearly skipped to her car to grab her go bag when Hotch dismissed the team and then bolted to the jet, loading her bag only after Hotch who keeps his in his office by his desk. She waited until the rest of the team arrived before boarding the plane, however, and let Hotch scowl inside the jet by himself.

She practically ran to JJ when she saw her nearing the plane, reaching for the bag in her lover's hand.

JJ saw what Emily intended to do and quickly jerked her bag out of the agent's reach. "Don't, Emily. I'm so not in the mood for your pull-me-close-then-run bullshit today, okay?"

JJ's harsh words froze Emily to her spot, causing JJ to bump into the taller woman in the process. Emily couldn't help the sting behind her eyes as tears threaten to steal her vision. She swallowed once, twice, put her hands on her hips, slowly backed away from JJ with her eyes on JJ's shoes. "I'm sorry. I just…" She grasped the letter again, taking comfort in its presence and what it would mean when she gave it to JJ. Now, would not be the right time. "I'm sorry, Jen."

JJ sighed and smoothed her hair with her free hand, genuinely remorseful for snapping at her lover. "I'm sorry, too, Em. I'm just…" she waved her hand frantically in the air, searching for the right words. "Just dealing with a lot right now. I need a friend, not… whatever this is between us. Okay?" JJ knew immediately that her choice in words only irritated the wound and grabbed at her sister's necklace for comfort. "That didn't come out right, Emily. That's not what I meant."

"I'm still your friend, JJ. That's never going to change, no matter how many times I make your eyes roll back into your head while you scream my name." Emily bit out coldly, aiming her arrow where she knew it would hurt the most. In reality, she knew that she really had no right to be upset with JJ because she was feeling vulnerable.

"Emily, damn it! Grow up! You're not the only person in the world dealing with demons. I really want to be there for you, but sometimes I need that in return. Today is definitely one of those days where I just need to know you're there, for support and a hug, with no ulterior motives. Can you do that for me?" JJ's outburst, though only barely above a whisper for fear that someone might hear, slapped Emily in the face.

She clenched her jaw, jerked on the letter within her jacket, opened her mouth to retaliate, stopped. JJ was right. "I'm sorry. I don't want us to fight, Jennifer, but I really need us to talk soon. I can be all of those things and more. Just let me talk to you, in New York at the hotel before we go to bed. Is that okay?"

JJ smiled and squeezed Emily's forearm. "Thank you. We can talk whenever you are ready because I really need to talk to you, too. I think New York might be the best place to do that with an unsub running loose. We will have plenty of time to think about it or to ignore it while we are waiting for breaks in the case."

"Okay," Emily smiled, pulling JJ into her for a hug. She couldn't stop the shudder that rippled through her body when JJ slid her free hand over Emily's hip, caressing her waist before resting on her lower back. Emily inhaled the scent of JJ's hair deeply, knowing she needed to pull back from the situation if she were to control herself until they reached New York.

She reached down and took JJ's bag and then nodded towards the plane. JJ nodded and ascended the stairs of the jet, trusting Emily to safely secure her bag for her. When she reached the first seat, she sat down and placed a trembling hand over her belly, knowing that New York would be the end of her and Emily. As long as she carried Will's child, she knew that her loyalties and her love belonged to him. No amount of desire she felt for Emily could change the fact that she had ruined everything she'd hoped to build with Emily for one night of drunken, unprotected sex with a man she didn't love.


	10. Author's Note

Hi Folks! So, generally I hate when I get an update alert and it is merely an author's note, but I digress. First, a huge thank you to all of the reviews and follows despite my delay in posting these past few months (they make me guilty enough to start working on things again). If it gives me more leeway, I am closing the deal on my brand new house and will have, well, frankly less time with all of the moving and painting and dry walling and such. I have not given up on this story and have several chapters planned out and am currently working on those. The episodes include "Lo-Fi", "Mayhem", "Minimal Loss", "Memoriam", and "52 Pickup" so far in Season 3/4. As always, if there is an episode you would like me to write, please send me a PM or leave me a review. I will be more than happy to try and work it into the story.


	11. Chapter 11

**Hello folks! Yes, I am back. I'm slowing this chapter down a bit, so the next 3 or 4 chapters will span the episode of "Lo-fi" and "Mayhem". A big thanks to everyone who has continued to comment and read and like and follow and whatever else you've done. This is a rather short chapter, but the next one is at least 3 times this, so be patient. I just haven't edited yet.**

**I don't own Criminal Minds or any of the characters. **

"_I'm pregnant." _

The words replayed once more in Emily's mind and she hugged her knees tighter to her chest, eyes never leaving the window of the hotel room as she balanced on the air conditioning unit. They all had been placed in rooms above the ground floor, as per usual unless of course the hotel only had one floor, and the city lights momentarily distracted her thoughts. She watched the city of New York, every light on the street below a beacon of idiocy. With random killings happening all over the city, no clear victim and no definitive cooling off period, she could barely believe that people continued functioning as if no danger, no evil was lurking in the shadows.

"_I'm pregnant." _

Emily sighed, watching as her breath fogged the cool glass a few inches from her face. For every action, there is a consequence as small as creating condensation on a cool hotel room to losing the love of her life. Every day, every second all human beings live with the reality of their actions, their lives. When they can't cope, they become the monsters she has dedicated her life to hunting down and punishing. Could she cope? Would her soul slip into the ether like their unsubs? Could she cope with the fact that JJ, her Jennifer was in his arms right now? Yes, life continues. She still had a purpose in this life, despite the fact that she'd never felt so lost or alone.

"_I'm pregnant."_

Already she loved JJ's child. It didn't matter if that child was the product of someone else's love for JJ. That child still belonged to JJ, and she would make a fantastic mother. Emily would there. For the birth, the first step, the first word. She vowed to be the best Aunt Emily possible, knowing that every time she heard that beautiful child call Will Daddy she would die a little bit until she was nothing but a walking, breathing corpse. She sighed again, focusing on the white fog that appeared on the window. Consequence.

"_I'm pregnant." _

The one thing Emily could never give JJ, a child, a perfect little symbol of their love. All she had to give was a letter, a stupid piece of paper that held the vulnerability she locked away every day. Her eyes moved slowly to the letter sitting on the desk by the window. It seemed so unthreatening, so benign. Emily felt her breathing increase rapidly but remained helpless and frozen. Nothing moved but her breathing; the pounding of her pulse in her ears blocked out the New York traffic. She would never have Jennifer. Consequence.

"_I'm pregnant."_

Emily slapped her open palm down on the paper then crinkled it in her fist, flinging it across the room as a hollow screech brought her back to reality, calming the pounding in her ears. It took her a moment to realize that the haunted sound had come from her throat. That same palm landed on her chest, clawing the flesh there in an attempt to alleviate the constriction the night had brought her. If only she could take one deep breath, she would be able to regain her composure, conquer her thoughts. A strangled sound escaped her mouth, surprising her. The New York traffic seemed so loud now that the pounding in her ears had dissipated.

"Emily?" A concerned voice called from the doorway.


	12. Chapter 12

**Had more down time at work than I had anticipated. Enjoy, lovelies. Don't forget to feed the angry little gnomes who harass my muse and occasionally steal my free time.**

**Disclaimers apply.**

Emily looked up from her improvised seat by the window, meeting very concerned blue eyes before frantically searching the floor for the discarded letter. Somehow JJ had managed to enter the room without her noticing. Emily bolted to her feet when she realized that the object of her frantic search was now being gingerly held in both hands by JJ who had smoothed out the envelope and the soul it held inside with her thumbs.

"Give me that!" Emily demanded, jerkily holding out her hand towards the other woman.

"Okay," JJ answered quietly, barely containing her curiosity at her name written on the front of the envelope in Emily elegant handwriting. She placed the crinkled paper in Emily's hand, taking only two steps forward in caution. Emily's wild brown eyes resembled that of a caged animal, and JJ felt she needed to gauge the situation a bit more closely before deciding on the best course of action.

She'd anticipated Emily's reaction, knew it would be bad, but she had forgotten to imagine the haunted look in Emily's eyes. Those eyes spoke louder than any words the beautiful raven-haired profiler could ever say. She knew that her pregnancy would destroy Emily, but she wanted this child, no matter the circumstance of his or her conception. It changed everything, but JJ wanted to pretend just for tonight that it didn't, that everything would return to normal after they touched down in Quantico. She knew somewhere that this would be asking too much from Emily, but the winning part of her brain right now did not care.

"Emily, baby, please look at me." Emily had crawled back onto the air conditioner, returning her gaze to the New York night life carrying on below her, despite the threat of a random shooting, despite the fact that tonight Emily's world had been ripped apart.

"I thought you were picking out names with Will tonight." Emily bit, clutching the letter to her chest. The rustling of paper caught JJ's ear, and she again had to battle the urge to ask Emily for letter.

"Things change." JJ offered, unable to hide the emotion in her voice.

Emily turned slightly, drinking in the exhaustion and obvious distraught of her lover. "What happened?"

JJ sighed and flopped down on the bed, resting her elbows on her knees. Her head dropped and she shakily ran her fingers through her silky blonde hair. "I told him about us and that I probably could never love him." Though strained, JJ was pleased with the evenness of her voice. Emily didn't need to know that Will had threatened her, to take her child if she continued the affair with the female profiler.

"And?" Emily prompted, attention fully upon the younger woman on the bed.

"And he wasn't thrilled. Disgusted and shocked, maybe. Definitely nowhere near understanding. Possibly a side of hatred in there somewhere." JJ tried to joke, failing miserably, but it released some of the tension she carried and made her comfortable enough steal a glance at Emily. JJ knew that she had intentionally sabotaged her night with Will in order to spend it with Emily, and she hoped that somewhere deep inside that Emily realized that as well.

"Jen, I…" Emily choked on her words and wiped at her face for tears that weren't falling. "I won't interfere with you and Will." JJ's heart broke into tiny pieces, knowing what Emily was willing to sacrifice for her happiness.

Her body moved before her mind caught up with her actions. She straddled Emily's legs and clung tightly to the woman's neck, sparing a brief thought to the creaking of the air conditioning unit beneath them. The letter rattled between them, held in place by their breasts pressing together.

"Emily, I don't know what I want. My heart wants you so badly. I feel so safe with you," JJ confessed into Emily's neck. "But everything has changed now. I have to think about what is best for my child. He or she deserves to know Will."

Emily felt JJ's hot tears on her neck and squeezed her lover tighter. The anger and hatred from only minutes before slipped away in that embrace, replaced by the passion JJ always ignited. Gripping JJ's ass firmly, Emily propelled them into motion. Three steps to the bed and she was on top of JJ, lips touching every bit of flesh she could find, hands flexing over whatever flesh was available, bodies moving in a deliciously voluptuous motion in perfect synchronization.

A crinkling of paper pulled JJ from her haze, and she pushed Emily back slightly, pulling the letter from between them with her other hand. "Emily, what's this?" She asked softly, never breaking eye contact with the woman above her.

"A letter." Emily answered, hoping to end the conversation and do other things with her mouth.

"What's it say?" JJ watched Emily's eyes closely, seeing a dark haze gleam over them before passing.

"Nothing you don't already know." Emily admitted, gently pressing her lips to JJ's. JJ let the letter fall from her grasp as the world melted away once again as she let herself fall into Emily's world once again.

Everything seemed new yet comfortable at the same time. A breathy sigh when Emily's hands found her bare breasts. A throaty moan when Emily's tongue touched her clit. A fist in raven locks. Fingernails scraping a nylon comforter. The heady scent of arousal making both women dizzy with desire, a slow burning heat that moved time forward in slow motion and ended way too quickly. There were no screams for more, no squalling of names, words were inadequate and therefore void. Emily and JJ had made love before, but tonight… tonight they became as close to one being as two people inhabiting separate bodies could.

When Emily climaxed into JJ's mouth, something broke inside of her. A torrent of suppressed emotions and thoughts flooded her mind, spilling over into her body, filling her up completely. Suddenly, JJ's arms were around her, swollen lips glancing over her face, hot damp skin pressing into flesh. Tears freely flowed from Emily's eyes, the salty liquid dripping onto JJ's chest created a rivulet running from her collar bone to her breasts.

JJ had seen Emily cry before, but this felt incredibly different. The few times Emily had cried with the team had been for evil, hateful reasons. Discovering the body of a child or watching a parent try and make sense of the violence committed against their child. These tears, this moment, were created in a moment of happiness, of peace. JJ felt that revelation settle into her mind; she'd brought Emily Prentiss peace. Not only did Emily embrace her with open arms, but the reticent, and sometimes flat out Stoic, profiler also embraced her with an open heart. She wasn't hiding or deflecting, just feeling and being felt.

"Jennifer?" Emily whispered in a small, vulnerable voice.

"Yes, Baby?" JJ smoothed Emily's hair out of her face, repeating the action several times before the older woman spoke again.

"I'm sorry that I didn't hold onto you when I had the chance."

JJ simply looked at Emily. Her chocolate brown eyes were hidden behind her eyelids; her face held tight in what JJ could only assume was internal pain from whatever battle Emily was fighting once again.

"Emily, I'm not going anywhere. Yes, I'm having a child with Will, but I don't love him. He knows that. This is where I want to be." JJ pressed her lips softly to Emily's to emphasize the point, resting her forehead against the older woman's.

Emily never got a chance to respond. A loud knock on the door followed by Morgan's muffled, "Emily, it's Morgan." Both women sprang into action. JJ leapt for the bathroom while Emily grabbed a white fluffy hotel robe and shimmied into it on her way to the door.

Checking to make sure JJ was safely hidden away in the bathroom, Emily opened the door a crack. "Morgan, it's like midnight. Is everything okay?"

"Everything's fine with me, Princess. I was going to ask you the same thing." Morgan's expression softened ever so slightly as he looked into Emily's eyes, gauging her reaction, studying her facial expressions.

"Uhh, yeah, I'm good. Just getting ready for bed."

"You mean you weren't in bed already?" Derek eyed the robe, which Emily self-consciously adjusted.

"Obviously not." Emily clipped, tired of the barrage of questions.

"I just… I'm sorry to bother you then. I just heard you yell, and I'm in the next room. I heard a few groans. I thought you were having nightmares."

Emily's heart nearly melted at the concern in her best friend's eyes and physicality. Judging by his wrinkled t-shirt and pajama bottoms, he had very clearly been in bed and possibly asleep when she'd thrown the letter. "I'm sorry if I woke you. I guess the, uhh, T.V. was loader than I thought. Trying to drown out…" She tapered off when she noticed Morgan's eyes fixated on something in the room behind her. "the traffic and such."

"Isn't that the shirt JJ was wearing earlier?" Morgan questioned, tensing as though he would barge into the room.

Emily could not stop her eyes from bugging out of her head when she heard his next question. She whipped around, hoping he hadn't noticed to stare at the discarded garment lying at the edge of the bed. "Oh, is it? I guess she dropped her stuff by and changed when I was in the shower earlier. I hadn't noticed."

Morgan wanted to question why JJ would leave her underwear and bra strewn about the room but respected his female coworkers too much to ever comment on it. Emily watched the wheels turn in Morgan's brain and brought a fingernail to her mouth before quickly removing it. Biting her nails was a sure tale of her nervousness, and Morgan was suspicious enough already as it was.

"It's okay, Emily." JJ called from the bathroom, startling both Morgan and Prentiss. "Morgan, everything is okay," she continued stepping into view in an oversized t-shirt and baggy basketball shorts that were obvious too large in the waist for her, Emily's preferred sleeping outfit that she'd put on the bathroom sink with the intention of putting them on after her shower that never happened.

"Emily was just covering for me, Morgan. I was crying when I came back to the room because Will and I had a fight about me staying on the case. Emily was comforting me. That's probably what you heard." It wasn't a lie _exactly_. "I didn't want the rest of the team to know because I don't want to be treated differently just because I am pregnant. So, if there are no more questions, I would like to go to bed."

Morgan just nodded and put a hand on Emily's shoulder. "Well, I'm here if you need anything. Night." Morgan finished lamely, obviously embarrassed about practically barging into the women's room after midnight.

"Good night, Derek," JJ said politely before slipping under the covers of the bed nearest the bathroom.

"Night," Emily whispered as she shut the door, collapsing against it and gazing at JJ.

"Well, that was awkward." She finally said as she pushed off the door and sat down on the other side of the bed JJ currently occupied. "So, what exactly am I supposed to wear to bed?" Her lips turned upward and parted when JJ raised an eyebrow at her.

"That, Agent Prentiss, is not my problem." JJ answered and rolled slid further into the bed.

Sighing overdramatically, Emily stood and let the robe slide down her arms. She looked down her naked body and shrugged before slipping under the covers next to JJ. The media liaison immediately burrowed her face into Emily's chest and sighed.

Emily stroked her fingers through JJ golden tresses, watching JJ's face as she relaxed deeper into the bed. "Love you, Jen." Emily whispered into JJ's temple.

"Em?" JJ groggily caught the other woman's attention. "Does tonight change anything or are we still going to dance around our feelings for each other?"

"Tell you in the morning," Emily answered, relieved when JJ didn't push the issue. She hated jerking JJ around, but she honestly didn't know what tomorrow would bring.


	13. Chapter 13

**Warning: There is mention of Emily's abortion in this chapter. I sympathize with any woman who has had to make that decision because I've seen the pain and guilt first hand in the rare moments my partner and soul mate talks about it. So please let's not make it a debate in reviews. It is what it is, and I'm not trying to make a political statement of any kind but simply express emotions I've witnessed in a strong but reticent woman similar to Emily Prentiss' character. **

**Usual disclaimers apply.**

Emily heard the thump from the bomb and aftershock. One of the detectives immediately took point, instructing her to follow him to a Critical Incident Command Posts. For once she didn't mind. All she cared about was finding JJ and making sure that her lover was safe and secure. The bomb could have been anywhere.

"The hotel. They wouldn't bomb a hotel." Emily nearly giggled in relief, swerving to miss a slow-moving vehicle. Given the profile of their unsubs, Jennifer should be just fine, but the rest of the team had been directly in the danger zone. Emily sobered once more with that realization, not missing a beat when her phone rang.

"Is everyone okay?" She begged, knowing Penelope would be on the other end of the line. Her heart nearly sang when she'd discovered that all but two of her team had been accounted for, wholeheartedly believing that JJ was safe and sound at the hotel.

That hope sank, however, when she heard the concern in Penelope's voice at not being able to speak with JJ or Hotch. '_They can't find her.'_

'_Black SUV. That must be what exploded.' _Emily blanked for a moment as she digested Garcia's question. "I think so." She was completely unable to keep the tears out of her voice and momentarily panicked when her vision blurred. All she could make out were bright tail lights and street lights in the dark night. Blinking rapidly, she desperately tried to cling onto what Penelope and Morgan were saying, afraid she might pass out doing 70 through the streets of New York City if she didn't calm her breathing.

Emily's stomach knotted more tightly when she heard JJ's voicemail come through her ear piece and gasped when it went silent mid-message. "Try her again! She's probably back at the hotel!" She demanded, but Penelope and Morgan were cut off as the cell towers completely crashed. Emily felt the hysteria rising within her chest. It took all of her training to keep the SUV en route, not only her driving at such a high speed while so emotionally compromised but to keep from swinging her vehicle around and pointing it in the direction of the hotel.

She frantically dialed JJ's number over and over again, nothing but a message letting her know that all cell phone towers were overloaded. When it finally allowed her call through, she listened to JJ's voicemail one more time, then again. After the third time, beat the steering wheel and dash in frustration and fear.

"No! No! Damn it, JJ! Pick up! No!" When numbness set into her hand, she stopped her futile attempts at purging the growing hysteria.

"_I'm pregnant." _

_Emily rolled over and looked at JJ. Her hand rubbed her belly underneath Emily's dark gray FBI shirt. Emily smiled._

"_Do you want a boy or a girl?" She asked, covering JJ's hand with her own, ignoring the sadness that nagged the back or her mind._

"_I want it to be healthy." JJ smiled up at Emily, her beautiful blue eyes shining with joy as the sun began peeking over the horizon just outside the hotel window. "I can't explain how it makes me feel, knowing that there is another life inside of me. I wish you knew what it felt like, Emily."_

"_I do." Emily admitted quietly after a brief pause, focusing her eyes on their joined hands. At JJ's confused looked, Emily elaborated. "I had an abortion when I was 15."_

"_Oh Em," JJ cupped her face with a soft hand, conveying her love and acceptance of the decision in that one motion. "There's still time, Baby. You could have a child."_

_Emily snorted and pulled away from JJ's touch. "No, I can't. Abortions were still pretty risky back then. I, they… I can't conceive, Jennifer." _

_JJ's eyes stung with tears. She bit them back as best she could. "Then help me raise my child."_

_Emily's hand jerked sharply, but JJ held it tightly in hers, not letting Emily slip away this time. Emily swallowed roughly, trying to find the right words to say. Did she want this? Could she be a good mother? Did she deserve to be a mother after killing her own child? No, she didn't, but maybe this was her one shot at redemption._

"_After what I've done, I don't think I deserve to be a mother, Jen. I…" Emily was silenced with slender fingers on her lips._

"_Emily, one day if you want to talk about the circumstances surrounding your child, I will listen. Right now, I'm asking you if you want to be a part of my child's life. We sort of come as a package now. I would never deny Will the chance of knowing his son or daughter, but I want my future to be in your arms, not his. Please just think about it, Emily."_

_Emily nodded, kissing JJ's fingers and then her palm. She worked her way up JJ's arm until she reached her shoulder and then moved to her neck. JJ sighed into the affection and placed her free hand on Emily's waist. _

Screeching tires and a blaring horn pulled Emily out of her memory as she discovered she'd come to a halt in front of the federal building. Her legs felt like rubber when she walked into the bull pen and found Rossi and Reid at the white board but no JJ. Somehow she crossed the room, words falling from her mouth even though she wasn't quite sure what she'd said. Explaining to Rossi and Reid about the cell phone system crashing.

"Emily!"

Emily nearly cried out in joy. She turned quickly, confirming that her ears weren't playing tricks on her.

"Oh thank god!" She fought for control of her hands as her instinct told her to pull JJ into her arms and hold on tightly. A flash of concern for Will, the father of JJ's child, pulled Emily back to the reality of their situation. It could have been him that had been killed. "Where's Will?" She immediately asked, not caring if it sounded funny coming from her mouth at that moment. Her first priority was ensuring the safety of her family. Somehow, Will had become a part of that unconventional family.

"He's stuck at the airport." JJ offered and quickly continued with her version of the story while Rossi and Reid looked first at JJ, then each other and then Emily in confusion. Wasn't JJ supposed to be on that plane with Will back to Quantico? Isn't that what JJ decided when Will gave her his badge and asked her to return with him?

Luckily, neither man had a chance to ask that question as Garcia's frantic cry sounded from the laptop on the desk as the hacker popped up on the screen. "The bomb!"

The team jumped into action, ready to bring down the bad guys as usual. Despite their sometimes tragic personal lives, they always got the bad guys. Always.

Suddenly, everyone was in a flourish of movement. JJ grabbed her gear only to be stopped by Emily's hands on her own. Hotch had called everyone to the hospital, but Emily desperately wanted JJ to stay behind, stay safe and far away from these unrelenting, unapologetic murderers. Even if she didn't get hurt physically, the stress and strain of the situation could cause her to miscarry, something Emily had decided to dedicate her life to preventing for the next few months.

A quick look around confirmed that everyone was totally wrapped up in whatever their current orders were; no one was watching and Emily pressed her lips to JJ's quickly. If anyone had been watching, this chaste kiss could have been written off as two friends expressing their love through a peck on the lips in the extremely terrifying situation. To Emily and JJ, however, they had in a way just publicly confirmed their love. "Please stay here."

JJ felt the tears welling up for the hundredth time that day and sighed. "Emily, I… Come back to me, okay." JJ flung herself into Emily's arms, death gripping her neck as if she'd never feel it again. She knew Emily was right, that she should stay at headquarters and work the case from there with Garcia, but it damn near killed her to watch Emily and her team walk out that door without her.

Emily turned at the door, trying to find something to say. Instead, she simply nodded her head and bolted before she, too, stayed behind with JJ.

Once at the hospital, all of the events seemed to transpire in such a predictable manner that Emily was almost disappointed with the lack of challenge it presented. The unsub slit his own throat, and Morgan recklessly took off with the ambulance carrying a bomb large enough to blow up an entire hospital. She briefly worried for his safety, but she knew that Garcia would follow him every step of the way. He would jump out of the moving vehicle at the last moment possible and then he would be reprimanded by Hotch for not trusting his team.

Without waiting for word that Morgan had made it safely out of the ambulance, Emily took off towards the parking garage. Garcia would call her to check in after she'd finished saving Morgan's idiotically brave yet well-sculpted ass. Right now, her only thought was checking on JJ, making sure that she hadn't overstressed herself.

She rushed back to the federal building, not bothering to turn off her sirens and lights. Let New York panic another moment longer at seeing her driving back through the city at such a high speed. She couldn't care less at the moment. When she pulled up to the curb, she caught a flash of blonde hair out of her periphery vision a moment before JJ launched herself into the passenger seat of the SUV.

"Emily," JJ breathed, pressed her lips to Emily's, dug fingernails into Emily's shoulder and forearm. "Morgan's okay."

Emily almost thought that perhaps JJ was overreacting, but this case had been so incredibly terrifying for the entire city of New York, the BAU team members being no exception. Emily silently allowed the relief to wash over her as JJ pulled her closer. They would all have nightmares about this for weeks.

JJ pulled back to look at Emily, noticing how incredibly breathtaking she looked when she was incredibly emotional. Her flushed cheeks and staggered breathing through slightly parted lips, wild hair pressed to her damp scalp in some places and stuck out in others just made JJ want to stare at the profiler.

"Everything has changed, hasn't it?" JJ asked tentatively.

Emily smiled.


	14. Chapter 14

Emily fought back the bile in own her throat as JJ dry heaved over the toilet. She could look at the dead, mutilated bodies of victims without blinking, but holding JJ's hair as she spewed the contents of her stomach and then some into the porcelain bowl required more intestinal fortitude, Emily realized, than her job ever did. She handed JJ a towel and filled a glass of water, taking a sip before placing it in JJ's trembling fingers.

"Why can't Morgan go with Reid?" JJ repeated the question she'd asked just before bolting to the bathroom. Emily almost winced at the raspy roughness in JJ's usually silky voice as a new wave of guilt washed over her. Exactly 37 days had passed since the night JJ left Will in New York, which meant they hadn't been apart for 1 single night in 37 days.

Emily sighed. She hated leaving JJ, even for only 24 hours, as much as JJ hated her going. She bit her thumb nail, wishing that she could magically be in two places at once, especially now that JJ's morning sickness had hit its peak.

"I'm the only other female on the team besides you, and if young girls are being abused, they may only open up to another woman." Emily explained mechanically as she kneeled on one knee beside JJ, sparing no thought to the wrinkles it would put in her pressed pants.

"Emily." JJ wanted to puke again at the nasally whine that came through her voice and immediately straightened her back, desperately trying to find the tough Agent Jareau through her misery. "I'm sorry, baby."

Emily smiled and held out a hand, helping JJ to her feet. The shorter woman immediately responded, wrapping her arms around Emily's waist, her head finding that perfect spot in Emily's neck. Emily's breath caught in her throat momentarily before she allowed that warm, contented feeling envelope her entire being once more. Moments like this with JJ pressed so tightly against her, fitted with her like 3D puzzle of lovers that had been meticulously assembled, Emily felt the inklings of the oneness she felt in New York when they had made love. One heart, beating in two bodies. One soul finally complete again.

Emily snorted at her romantic sentimentality and buried her face in JJ's hair. "Do I stink?" The muffled question vibrated into Emily's chest.

"Hmm?" Emily responded.

"You snorted. I was asking if I smell like a toilet filled with vomit." JJ poked fun at herself.

"Oh." Emily smiled and kissed the soft spot just below JJ's ear. "I'm just laughing at my own thoughts, Jen."

JJ pulled back slightly and ran her fingers through Emily's hair. They needed to get moving before they were both late to work. Emily had to catch her flight to Colorado, and JJ needed to get into the office to try and make a path to her desk through the stacks of case files that continue to grow by the day.

Reluctantly, Emily released JJ and followed her from the bathroom, no words required. They gathered their respective items and headed toward the door, Emily checking the lock twice before shutting the door. She had a company coming next month to install a home alarm system, feeling the need to prepare JJ's house for the baby sooner rather than later.

The drive to the airport was silent except for the hum of JJ's car and the general whoosh of traffic. Emily was afraid to speak because she didn't want JJ jumping on a plane and going with her, and she was afraid for JJ to speak because every inch closer to the airport weakened Emily's resolve to go on this consult.

She let her lips linger on JJ's when she finally put the car in park at the unloading dock in front of the airport. JJ felt tears spring up and wanted desperately to blame them on her pregnancy hormones but knew this reaction had less to do with her pregnancy than her reluctance to let Emily out of her sight lest she break her promise and leave JJ alone forever.

"Come back to me, Em." She whispered against her lips.

"Always. Love you, Jen." Emily answered.

"I love you, too." JJ wrapped her arms around Emily's neck and hugged her as best she could across the center console of the car.

Emily craned her neck and went in for another kiss but stopped short at a knocked the passenger side window. She clenched her jaw muscles, knowing it was Spencer before she even turned to look.

"I'll call you when I land and when I get back to the hotel from the interview, okay." Emily whispered into JJ's ear and kissed her cheek.

JJ closed her eyes when Emily exited the car. Emily's warmth and scent was immediately replaced with a puff of cool air and the choking scent of exhaust. If this is what it meant to truly be in love, the hollow ache when you're not touching the person you love, JJ thought perhaps maybe being in love was just as painful as being alone.


	15. Chapter 15

**Hello everyone! Let the rotten tomatoes fly for my prolonged absence. Go on. I can take it! As always, any episodes you'd like to see coming up in the story just let me know. I have another chapter planned for "Minimal Loss" right now. This was a tough one. There was so much angst opportunity for this episode, and JJ was oddly absent for most of it, so my twisted but lovely mind went nuts. I'll wrap it up next chapter. Enjoy, my doves and let me know what you think! **

Everything happened so fast. One minute she and Reid were interviewing a possible victim of rape by her spiritual leader, and the next, they were being patted down by men with assault rifles. She never wanted to come to this dry, dusty ranch in the first place. JJ had needed her at home today, had practically begged her to stay as she spilled her guts into the toilet as her morning sickness ravished her insides, but she'd done her duty, followed orders. Now her life was in danger once again. It never bothered her before, when she was doing deep cover assignments for Interpol and even her first couple of years at the BAU, but now she had something to live for, now she had a reason to go home. Is this what Hotch felt every time they were called in for an investigation? Was he left wondering every second if the child he loved more than life itself would have to face his death, that the woman he had given his heart to would have to suffer each time that child asked why Daddy wasn't coming home? She should never have come here.

She knew it the second the ranch came into view. A chill ran down her spine, and she knew that evil had taken root in this exclusive, isolated community. Despite Reid's insistence to the leader that their self-sufficient lifestyle was impressive, Emily only felt dread creeping up her scalp, making the hair at the back of her neck tingle with the realization that they had willingly stepped into danger. So, she wasn't surprised when the bullets began flying as the shoot out with the state police and the diehard believers of the cult escalated. She knew that they were safe in the tunnels and as long as she and Reid did nothing to reveal themselves as federal agents, they would remain relatively safe, but ultimately, situations like this always claimed lives, of the hostile members of the cult and law enforcement officers. The end game generally resulted in mass suicide, either by bullets or poison. They would take as many lives with them as possible and lay the responsibility for those lives on the claim that God's will had been done.

She decided then and there that _her_ will was to see JJ again. She glanced at Reid as the chaos slowly ebbed outside. The small explosions of bullets had ceased for the moment, and she almost wished they would begin again to drown out the thoughts in her mind. If Reid had to die in order for her to return to JJ, then it must be so. Of course she would never intentionally allow him to fall into harm's way, but right now her only priority was to get as many of these people out as possible and get back to Jennifer, and not necessarily in that order. She waited and wished that she'd found the time to call JJ when her plane had landed instead of the brief text message. The team would be here soon.

JJ nearly dropped her phone when she received a phone call from a Colorado state trooper informing her that the raid had been unsuccessful and that they hadn't known that they would be sending agents in today. She'd checked with them, with everyone, every single acronym before she'd given the okay for Emily and Spence to go into the compound under the rouse of child victim interview experts. She ended the call before the officer had finished his explanation of the events and immediately turned towards the BAU bullpen. Bile rose in her throat, and she focused on the first team member who came into view. Everything felt so surreal, but her eyes remained glued to Morgan. He was her anchor, her reality in this moment. She must have spoken his name because he looked at her as she turned on the television and allowed the news reporter to explain the rest. She swallowed roughly, fighting the bile as a million and one thoughts raced through her mind too quickly to pin down a single strand of coherency.

"JJ, that's not the ranch where Prentiss and Reid…" Morgan asked as he stood.

"They're still inside." Her voice was small, broken with emotion and unshed tears. She didn't care if Morgan saw, didn't care if she broke down as long as in the end they brought Emily and Spence home. The genius was like a little brother to her, someone who almost filled the void her sister left when she committed suicide, and Emily was… well, everything. Now that they'd finally worked through the fear of their attraction to one another, imagining life without her was unbearable. She had to get her back or she'd become one of those grieving widows she counseled who would never move past the tragedy of losing their spouse.

Morgan's loud voice echoed off the walls and ceiling of the bullpen as he desperately called to Hotch in his office. Derrick's subsequent panic comforted her on some level and scared her on another. They all needed to focus and push aside the panic if they were to pull Prentiss and Reid out of this mess alive. That included her own. The glanced around the bullpen as phones began ringing abruptly, surrounding her. She grabbed Morgan's arm for support as the aural stimulation made her lightheaded.

She functioned on autopilot during the flight to Colorado. The team depended on her to spout as much information as she knew about the reasons why this situation happened. Her disgust at Attorney General Wells' misinformation was validated by the team as she informed them of his weapons bust that led the state police to the standoff in the first place. She wanted to claw the man's eyes out with her fingers, her anger rising with each passing moment. She fell silent and remained as such for almost the entirety of the flight. Her own personal torment should not be pushed onto the team. They all felt the weight of this case. They all loved Emily and Spencer, and they needed to focus on handling the situation instead of fueling each others' anger at the incompetency and pettiness of one man.

The moment they arrived at the ranch, JJ headed directly towards the gaggle of reporters quarantined about fifty yards from the command tent that had been set up just outside the entrance of the ranch. She knew her job. These vultures needed to be calm and use non-inflammatory statements. As of right now, no one knew of the presence of the two undercover agents, and she intended to keep it that way. The only way both Emily and Reid would make it out alive is if their real identities remained hidden from the cult's leader. She felt Morgan's presence at her back and turned abruptly to face him halfway between the command tent and the group of reporters.

"What, Morgan?" She snapped as she looked up to meet his eyes. Her hand immediately shielded her eyes form the sun's relentless rays as she waited for him to explain why he was following her. He held his hands out in placation.

"JJ, I just wanted to ask if you were okay. I know that we all feel this, but I need to know right now if your head isn't in the game. You've been somewhere else the entire flight." His words were gentle but firm. He was right. She needed to focus on the goal and snap out of her zombie trance. He was right, and it pissed her off.

"I've been with them in there, Morgan. With Emily and Reid. I'm not a profiler. I wasn't trained for this, so I will handle it in whatever way I have to in order to get through it. Now back off!" Her voice was threatening, but he just smiled and squeezed her shoulder.

"There's my girl. I was wondering if you had any fight left." She gritted her teeth against his words even as she fought the urge to hug him. He'd intentionally pushed her buttons in order to help her find her focus. He was an amazing partner in that aspect.

Her gaze shifted from his as another car pulled up to the command tent and a very snooty man with an air of false entitlement stormed through the dust and barrage of agents, making his presence know. JJ knew immediately that this was the man who had lied to her and put her lover in danger. Her heart pounded as adrenaline and rage took over her body. She brushed past Morgan who called after her, but she didn't stop. She intended to fulfill her fantasy of tearing out this man's eyes with her bare hands. She flailed against the large warm hands on her biceps as they grabbed her from behind. Morgan crushed her back against his front and spun them so that his back was towards Hotch and the Attorney General of Colorado.

"Morgan, let me go! That bastard is the reason their stuck in there! Let me go!" JJ thrashed, but between Morgan's larger stature and her exhaustion from the morning sickness combined with heart-stopping terror of losing Emily, she never stood a chance of freeing herself. Tears flowed freely down her cheeks and dripped onto his arms as he wrapped them around her shoulders and slightly protruding belly.

"Shh, JJ, I gotcha. Come on." He pulled her towards one of the large black command trailers, practically carried her up the steps and slammed the door behind them.

"JJ, listen to me. This isn't helping!" She froze. He was right. She shouldn't be here. "You coming back to us?" She nodded.

"Emily is in there, Morgan. I can't do this. I don't know how to do this." She confided quietly, hating herself for her weakness. Maybe she could blame the pregnancy hormones?

"I know. I'm right there with you, but you have got to get it together if you want to be of any help to them. Can you do that?" She looked up into his brown eyes that were shimmering with unshed tears.

"I can do that." Her voice met his ears confidently for the first time this day, and he sighed inwardly in relief.

"Okay. What would you normally do in a situation like this?" She wiped at the tears on her cheeks and glanced towards the computers.

"Monitor the media. Make sure they aren't exasperating the situation and apprise the team as soon as possible if they do." She sat and turned the computer on at the same time. Now that she had a clear goal set, a determined task to focus on, her mind began clearing and her heart pounded for an entirely different reason. This was what she did. She normally didn't tackle suspects or fly in with guns blazing, but she knew how to handle and manipulate the media. This was her niche, in life and within the team. She didn't even acknowledge Morgan as he left the trailer. She would help bring her girl back alive the only way she knew how.

Cyrus was going to kill him. She saw it in his eyes. He would kill Reid without a second thought if he revealed himself as the undercover agent reported by the media. He wouldn't kill her, not a woman in cold blood. Women are beneath him. He would underestimate her. She gritted her teeth and saved his life, despite the promise she'd made herself earlier. She couldn't sacrifice Reid in order to save herself. JJ would understand if she died. Shed move on, right? Will would come back and take care of her and the baby. The team would support her the whole way.

"It's me." She deadpanned, knowing that she was about to be beaten, possibly raped if God, a.k.a. Cyrus, willed it. She would prevail. She had no other choice.

The first few blows weren't bad; the stiff backhand of the cult leader didn't even split her lip, but she tasted blood where her teeth dug in the flesh of her cheeks and lips. After Cyrus slammed her face into the mirror, she knew that she would wear more than a few bruises. Maybe he would kill her, beat her to death right here. A shard of glass dug into the skin of her arm, and she thanked all of her training that she'd tactically shielded her eyes from the exposure. She loathed what she knew she had to do next. It was the only way. The team would be listening, and right now Hotch was probably losing his self-control and Morgan was steaming from the ears with barely restrained rage. They had to stay out or all of these innocent people were going to die needlessly, probably her and Reid along with them.

Her thoughts drifted to JJ as she distracted her conscious mind from the pain coursing through her body, just like Interpol had taught her if she'd been captured. She would die before she gave into physical pain, and the only psychological torture that truly terrified her was the thought of watching JJ being tortured. That would break her for sure, but JJ wasn't here. She was far from this place and these people, and Emily ordered her mind to focus on an image of JJ's brilliant, unguarded smile in rare moments of genuine happiness.

"I can take it." JJ's fingertips dancing across her skin in the early morning light as she gently pulled Emily from sleep and into a reality that didn't seem quite so dark anymore.

"I can take it." JJ's breathy sighs as she pressed kisses to her inner thighs, the scent of her arousal. The feeling of JJ's lips upon her chest and neck in New York when she finally gave herself over heart and soul, darkness and sin, to the woman who had chased away the demons she carried, even from her sleep. Those pure tears of bliss as she felt her heart slipping from her grasp and landing gently in palm of JJ's hand, safe and cherished.

She fell to the hard concrete floor. Her hands twitched and her chest heaved for air. Cyrus had undoubtedly broken or at least deeply bruised a rib in the left side of her back when he'd tossed her against the wall. She desperately grasped at an image of JJ to cling to, something that would sustain her until she could hold the woman in her arms again. Her eyes stared at the wall of the store room, but she didn't see it. All she saw was JJ the night before she came to Colorado.

"_Can you feel it?" She asked and set her hand atop JJ's baby bump. They'd made love only minutes ago, and Emily stared in awe at the beauty of Jennifer's pregnant condition. She looked even more stunning now that she carried a life inside of her. Emily had been hesitant to touch her when the baby first started showing, worried that she would somehow injure the developing fetus if she was too rough or penetrated her lover too deeply. After a week of reading pregnancy books that encouraged sex throughout the pregnancy, she finally allowed her carnal desire for this woman to control her actions. _

"_What do you mean?" JJ asked and slid her arm beneath her head to better see Emily._

"_I know it's a bit too early for it to move or kick or anything like that, but can you feel it? Is it just a bunch of extra weight to carry around or can you actually feel life inside of you?" Emily rubbed her palm reverently across JJ's belly, like she was touching a sacred artifact, the Holy Grail itself. _

"_I can feel it. I know he or she is there. It is a lot of extra weight, but it's more than that. Almost like when you save someone's life, their fate is in your hands. You know that high you get? That almost dominant power when you have someone's life in your hands as you're talking down an unsub? It's sort of like that, but it's all the time. It's humbling and empowering at the same time."_

_Her eyes glazed over as her hand joined Emily's on her stomach. Emily covered one of JJ's fingers with her own as she continued to stare at her belly. She smiled when she glanced to JJ's sparkling blue eyes. She was happy, and Emily knew that she, at least in part, had a hand in producing that emotion in the mother-to-be. She pressed her lips to the side of JJ's belly and moved across it gently with little kisses. She stopped at the center just above JJ's belly button and smiled into the flesh._

"_Your mom is an amazing woman, little person. You're one lucky kid, and I'm one lucky woman. I can't wait to meet you." JJ brushed Emily's raven hair from her face and traced her thumb over her cheek bone._

"_I'm lucky, too." JJ whispered, unshed tears straining her voice._

Emily snapped back to reality when she was tossed haphazardly onto a small bed in one of the upstairs rooms. She vaguely remembered being dragged through a corridor and up the steps, so deep was her immersion in her memory. It had rejuvenated her. She would fight back, and she would win. With Reid working Cyrus from one end, she knew that her job would be appealing to a leader to the women and children. Who better than their prophet's mother-in-law? She silently encouraged JJ to hold on just a bit longer and hoped that JJ felt her thoughts. She promised JJ that she would always come home to her and intended to see that promise through.

Finally, she understood exactly where she was meant to be. It hadn't been an image of JJ in the throes of passion that had helped her separate her body and mind in order to endure the pain, but an image of them as a family. She had a child on the way, sure not of her own flesh, but hers nonetheless. She was ready to be a mother. She would never let go of her guilt regarding her abortion, but she knew that she had more love to give than this child could possibly hope for, for him or her and his or her mother. She had a family. However wayward and untraditional it was, it was hers, and she intended to fight for it. She raised the blinds again, fearless of who might overhear what may be her last words to the love of her life.

JJ winced as listened to the glass break again. She'd been on the phone with Garcia who had been assisting her in monitoring the media leaks when Prentiss had been discovered as an undercover agent. Penelope listened to the recording with her once but refused when she was asked to play it again. She copied those few minutes on a separate file and sent it to JJ with a cautionary goodbye. JJ knew she was playing with fire both personally and professionally by repeatedly listening to the recording of her beloved being knocked around because she failed her. Her eyes dutifully remained glued to the captions flashing across the screen as reporters continued to report moment by moment details of the situation, but her ears and heart listened to the grunts and groans and bravery of the woman she loved as she willingly allowed this man to beat her.

If she'd done her job properly, Emily would never have been compromised. She closed her eyes as the glass broke again, memorizing every detail. The trailer shook as someone entered, but she kept her head bowed and her eyes closed. She just wanted to be alone and share the misery of the strongest woman she knew. Her hands clutched at the baby growing her belly as if the developing fetus felt her anguish. Guilt could be debilitating in the worst possible way if she allowed it.

"JJ." Morgan pulled the headphones gently from her ears as his eyebrows scrunched together in concern. He could hear Emily's courageous message to them even as she was being beaten senseless through the speakers in his hand and tossed them onto the table next to the keyboard.

"JJ, look at me." Red-rimmed blue eyes followed his command. A warm piece of plastic was shoved into her hand, and she jumped when static-filled voice resonated in her ears.

"JJ, if you're listening, this isn't your fault. I'm okay." Silence filled the room for a moment, and JJ stared at the radio, willing Emily to speak to her again.

"JJ, she's been talking to you for the last five minutes. Every time she's left alone, she speaks to you. She already figured out what time we are going in, but now…" Morgan's voice trailed off, and he clenched his jaw muscles as he knelt to look her in the eye.

"JJ, we're going in at 3, less than 30 minutes from now. I'll bring her back. She promised you that she'd come home, after all." JJ's eyes widened. Derrick knew that she and Emily were more than friends. She held her breath and waited. Morgan was Emily's best friend, and he knew that Emily hadn't been close with anyone romantically in a long time. She was counting on that knowledge to ensure his silence but doubted that he would put the team's best interest above Emily's happiness, not when they were constantly in life-threatening situations.

"How long?" His voice was cold, inspiring a shiver down JJ's spine. Derrick Morgan could be overprotective on the best of days, but when he became unreadable, she truly worried about his actions. He could go either way at this point.

"It's been on and off for nearly a year now, since Emily resigned from the BAU. It's only been consistent since New York when I told everyone that I was pregnant." She rubbed her belly in a self-comfort gesture and waited. Derrick rubbed his huge hand over his head a few times and sighed in frustration.

"You were sleeping with Will and Emily at the same time?" His voice still held an edge that frightened JJ, and she swallowed roughly.

"Well, never at the same time, but yes. She knew from the beginning. She told me to pursue a relationship with him. I'm not sure she ever intended for ours to go beyond sporadic liaisons after bad cases, but Derrick, we fell in love. Will knows that I choose her. He's angry and hurt, as he should be, but he knows that I don't love him, not like I love Emily, and he knows that I would never deny him access to his child."

"Jennifer, if you're listening, I want you to know that this is not your fault. I love you." Emily's voice cut through the static-filled radio again, and JJ choked back a sob. Derrick placed a friendly hand on her shoulder for support, and they both stared at the radio for any sign that Emily might continue speaking.

"Jen, I know now. I'm ready. I want to be a mother to your child. I want us to be a family. I'm coming home to you, Baby. Always." Morgan stood and squeezed her shoulder for strength and comfort, knowing he was only minutes away from rushing into an incredibly volatile and violent situation.

"Time to bring our girl home." JJ nodded at Morgan's optimism and forced her lips into a semblance of a smile. Morgan would protect their secret.


	16. Chapter 16

**Hello, my doves! Fear not, my next chapter will include some relief fluff. As always, enjoy my update and let me know if there are any episodes you wish me to include. Send me reviews and let me know what you think. I'm thinking the next chapter should include Will. What do you think?**

JJ stared at Emily from the front of the plane. Rare unguarded moments like this were a blessing and a curse because JJ could see the turbulent emotions that lay just beneath the surface of Emily's barely composed exterior. Guilt clenched at her chest when she realized that her failure as a media liaison was at the root for at least some of that turmoil, but she relished the opportunity to see beneath Emily's barriers. More than anything, she wanted to gather Emily into her arms and kiss away the anguish, but she remained glued to her seat near the cockpit on the sofa on the right side of the plane.

She'd intentionally sat here once she'd noticed that Spence had claimed a seat to the left near the back of the plane. Emily would surely speak with him before continuing to her reserved seat near JJ. Morgan sat across from her on the other sofa and clenched his jaw muscles as he stared at her. She pretended not to notice as she watched Emily's features transform through her grief and pain, physical as much as mental. She undoubtedly told Spencer that she had made the decision to reveal herself as the agent and that he needn't feel guilt for her decision. Tears stung the back of her throat when Emily's eyes finally connected with hers across the plane. She'd need a few days to recuperate, and JJ had already asked Hotch to authorize two personal days for her to assess her stress levels so as not to harm her child with the lack of sleep and stress from the situation. He'd agreed almost immediately and told her to head home as soon as they landed to rest.

Emily smiled at her, and she returned it, pulling her head towards the unoccupied couch next to her. It was a gesture she'd done dozens of times, but Morgan grunted as he finally realized what it meant. He glanced around the jet and then set his gaze onto JJ. He was happy for them, truly he was, but JJ had made some serious mistakes during her time with Emily and during this case. He hardened his gaze when he watched Emily's face fall from exhausted and content to dread as he propelled himself across the plane and sat next to JJ, who gasped and grabbed her chest in response to his sudden presence blocking her view of Emily.

"JJ, we need to talk about this." She lowered her head and stared at her belly. "I know what you're feeling can be consuming, especially now that you have a little one on the way, but this can't happen again." His stern but gentle voice scared her and comforted her at the same time. He was letting her know that he cared but also warning her to be careful.

"What do you mean, Derrick?" JJ searched his kind brown eyes apprehensively, hoping against hope that she hadn't been wrong about him remaining silent about their relationship.

"If you lose your head again, I will report you to Hotch. If you can't separate the difference between Agent Prentiss your team member and Emily Prentiss your lover, you're no good to us, either of you. I understand that she was scared she'd never see you again, but talking so openly like that was reckless and stupid. If Jessie's mother had overheard her confessing her love to a woman, she may have retracted her offer to help save the women and children or left Prentiss to die in the explosion. We never would have gotten to her in time." JJ's gasp thwarted his quiet reprimand, and he placed a hand on her shoulder. He figured that she'd never considered the possibility of Prentiss dying because of her sexuality.

"JJ, I'm not trying to scare you or make you feel guilty, but you have got to understand that there is a reason for the fraternization rules. It's not just your jobs that you could lose on this team." He let that sink in for a moment and then squeezed her shoulder. "Now get our girl over here so she can get her beauty sleep on the way home." He stood but then stopped to stare down at her. "And JJ, don't hurt her."

"I won't." She vowed, but he'd already reclaimed the sofa across from her and slipped his headphones over his ears. Her eyes slid across the jet, searching each face of her team. Reid was buried in a book. Hotch's eye were closed and his head leaned back as if he were asleep near the back of the plane only two feet from Reid, but she knew that he wasn't. Rossi stared out the window, probably at his reflection, not wasting a single thought on what he could have done differently. He'd saved his team and most of the followers from the explosion. It was the best he could do given the circumstance. Emily stared at her, hopeful but reticent after Morgan's obvious display meant for the both of them. He knew, and her wide eyes told JJ that Emily sensed it.

JJ pulled her head towards the seat again and pushed herself towards the closet for a blanket, not waiting for Emily to respond. She'd held back as long as she possibly could restrain herself. She had lingered near the ambulance while the paramedics cleaned Emily's wounds. To anyone else, she waited for confirmation to call the pilot and the command tower at the airstrip and let them know what time they would depart, but to Emily and Morgan, she barely restrained herself from falling into her lover's arms and sobbing as the stress and grief of the situation manifested. Emily had pulled her into a hug once the paramedic had moved onto another survivor and placed her hand on her baby bump. It had been too brief, too cordial for both of them, but Emily had dutifully pulled away without a word and left JJ to finish her work. Now, however, nothing stopped them from taking comfort in the other's touch, and JJ could bear to be so far from her no longer.

She froze when she turned around and saw the hungry look in Emily's eyes. This happened sometimes. When cases were too scary, too traumatizing, Emily used to shut down, turn them off, but now ever since the case in New York, she usually stayed up all night and worshipped JJ's body until she felt something again. Most nights like that, they didn't even make love. JJ suspected that Emily was afraid of hurting her, being too rough, which she planned to address after she gave birth to their child, but for right now she'd take the constant rain of kisses, the foot rubs, the back rubs, and maybe now that Emily had become comfortable with the idea of having sex around JJ's baby bump she would take it a step further. A shot of adrenaline shocked JJ's heart and pulsed between her legs as she thought of the events that would take place after they were safely locked behind her apartment door. It amazed her how quickly a single expression from Emily could affect her so acutely, so quickly. The blanket unfolded as he fingers loosened their grip, and she took a step back from Emily, remembering that they were surrounded by the best behavioral analysts in the world.

"We have about an hour left until we land. Want to get some sleep?" JJ nodded towards the white couch, thankful that Emily had changed out of her bloody clothes. The last thing they both needed was a constant reminder of what could have been if Emily stained the white fabric with her blood.

"Sure." Emily lowered herself gingerly onto the sofa, wincing when the muscles over her ribs and her abdomen ripped and tore at her insides. Her hands flew to her side, and her body hunched over in an involuntary attempt to alleviate the internal torture.

"Emily?" JJ joined her on the sofa, a warm hand instantly on her shoulder. "Are you okay?" Emily nodded and focused on the warmth on her shoulder, trusted it to ground her through the pain. She knew there would be a follow up hospital visit, but she hadn't expected it to be at dawn when they arrived in D.C. JJ waited for an eternity, hoping that Emily would snap out of her pain, but the longer she waited, the more Emily hunched over in her growing anguish.

"Hotch! Morgan!" The two men turned towards JJ's voice immediately. Morgan practically leapt from the couch and was at his best friend's side instantly while Hotch approached more cautiously, phone in hand.

"Emily, look at me. Em, please." JJ pleaded, unable to comprehend how Emily could seize up so quickly. Her own heart pounded and her stomach clenched as all of her unrecognized fears were brought to light. In the blink of an eye, Emily could be lost to her. Emily would never give up her career, and JJ never dreamed of asking her to, even as she watched the love of her life groan and bite back tears of pain.

"Prentiss, hold on. We're going to get you some help. Hotch how long until we land?" Morgan held Emily's other shoulder and glanced up at Hotch from his kneeling position on the floor. Rossi and Reid stood behind Hotch, keeping their distance but close enough if needed in a split second.

"Garcia, I need you to have an ambulance and EMT's standing by on the runway." He glanced behind him at Reid. "Check with the pilot. How long until we land?" Reid squeezed by his boss and disappeared into the cockpit.

"45 minutes, Hotch!" Reid called from the next room frantically. Everyone knew that he felt personally responsible for Emily's injuries, but no one really understood except JJ. For months after Reid had been kidnapped and tortured by Tobias Hankel, she'd nearly been crushed by the guilt of his scars, both mental and physical. Now, the young genius would feel that same guilt for Emily.

"45 minutes, Garcia. Something happened to Emily. I suspect she has a broken rib, perhaps internal bleeding. Tell them she sustained injuries of an unknown nature to the abdomen." He closed his phone and joined Morgan on the floor in front of the sofa.

"Emily, why didn't you tell me that you suffered abdominal injuries?" His voice was clipped, but everyone knew that Hotch was focusing on the anger at the situation so that he would not become consumed by his fear. It was supposed to be over. She and Reid had come out alive, and now Emily's life may be in danger due to his inability to overcome his relief and force her to seek proper medical treatment.

"Prentiss!" Emily looked up into the fierce eyes of her supervisor and then to JJ's. The crystal blue was accentuated by the red rims and unshed tears. She was breathtaking when she cried.

JJ jumped at the opportunity and gently pushed Emily's thin jacket from her shoulders, slinging it behind her towards the cockpit door. Emily nodded as she understood what JJ and Hotch wanted. She leaned back as best she could, the skin around her eyes contracted as she fought the urge to close her eyes. If she lost eye contact with JJ, she'd never be able to find her way through the pain. Her stomach protested as it was once again stretched out, and her hands jerked as she searched for something to grasp, anything to ground her. JJ snatched her right hand and nestled it against her chest, but Emily couldn't tell if the pounding in her fingertips were her caused by her own quickened pulse or JJ's.

Hotch watched the interaction, noticed the slight change in Emily's facial expressions, the loosening of the skin around Emily's eyes as she relaxed. Emily's hand moved from JJ's chest to her belly, grasping the one thing that could ground her to reality. She didn't have internal bleeding, he realized, as he lifted her shirt and inspected her bruises. They were just that, bruises, not to be confused with telltale signs of internal bleeding. She would recover without surgery and probably without hospitalization, though he'd already decided that she would go. Emily was having a panic attack, brought on by her first personalized interaction with JJ since she had been rescued from the compound. He watched her eyes move from JJ's belly to her face and back again, and he felt his jaw clench involuntarily. How had he missed that?

"Hey, there's my girl. You okay?" Morgan cooed to the slowly calming agent. Emily's fingers dug slightly into JJ's belly at the question, and she forced her gaze to Morgan's concerned eyes.

"I'm fine. It's exhaustion. I just need some sleep." She pushed Morgan's hands from her and forced herself straighter in the chair.

"Emily, please, let us help you." JJ quietly admonished, pushing away her own discomfort, knowing it would only frighten Emily again to see her panic. Emily paused and settled into the back cushion as Hotch and Morgan inspected her bruises more closely. Reid shoved an opened bottle of water into her free hand and then stepped back, eyes locked on his shoes. Emily allowed the inspection to continue until both men were satisfied that she wasn't going to keel over and die on the jet.

"Really, guys, I'm fine. Hotch," she waited until he met her eyes again. "I am fine. I just…" she glanced at JJ's face and then closed her eyes and leaned her head back to stop them from wondering again. "Everything is just becoming real. I'm sorry."

"Prentiss, there is nothing to apologize for. We are all feeling this, you and Reid more than any of us." Morgan tried to comfort his friend, but she just wanted them all to go away and disappear, leave her alone with JJ so that she can forget all about the past 72 hours.

"There is an ambulance standing by. When we land, I want you to go to the hospital and get checked out again, just to be safe." Hotch ordered. The icy clip in his voice confused her enough to open her eyes and look at him. He was concerned, yes, but there was something else, something colder in his gaze that she couldn't unravel. It lasted only a second and then he was moving again, back to his seat near the back of the plane. Reid, Rossi and Morgan stared at his back as confused as she was, but JJ searched her eyes, looking for any sign that she would lapse into another fit of pain and panic.

"I'm okay." Her heart continued to pound in her chest, but the constriction of her airway had lessened. She could breathe again. Emily glanced at the men of her team and forced a smile on her face. "Really, please go sit down. I'm fine." Rossi nodded and obeyed her wishes. Reid's mouth worked up and down a few times before he hung his head and returned to his seat.

Morgan said nothing as he stood and stepped to the other side of the plane. He realized that he could do no more for his friend, that whatever had just happened could only be soothed by the woman next to her. He clenched his jaws and watched JJ lovingly place the blanket over Emily's shaking body, noticed the reverence in her eyes as she smoothed Emily's dark hair from her face. Whatever was happening between the two women of his team was strong, and it was something he shouldn't stand in the way of right now. In the future, when they found a stronger footing in their relationship, he would approach them about their plans for their careers, but for now, they were both exactly where they needed to be. He sighed and turned his head when Emily leaned into JJ's shoulder and wrap her hand protectively around her belly again. JJ smiled down at the Emily, and the blanket shifted where their hands should be, probably twined together to further their contact. They didn't move for the rest of the flight.

"Are you sure you're okay?" JJ whispered when the pilot announced they'd be landing in 5 minutes. Usually, they'd all be gathering their bags and belongings at this time, but considering they'd left immediately and hadn't changed the entire time they were in Colorado with the exception of Emily, no one moved to the rear of the plane. Their bags were all neatly placed near the exit where they had put them before they left D.C.

"I'll be fine." She rubbed JJ's belly one more time and then forced herself into a sitting position. She wanted nothing more than to stay in this position and sleep until all of her panic and confusion and fear dissipated.

JJ offered to drive to the hospital to pick her up once her exam had cleared all confusion about what had happened on the plane. Hotch nodded gruffly and walked away from the team once Emily had been loaded into the back of the ambulance safely and made sure he'd be the first called once any results had come back about Emily's condition. JJ brushed Morgan, Rossi and Reid away with the reason that she herself wanted to be checked out to make sure the baby was okay after the stress of the past few days and lack of sleep. Rossi and Reid nodded with gentle pats on her back and squeezes on her shoulder. Morgan lingered until they had moved from earshot.

"I'm coming with you." She nodded wordlessly and turned towards the parking garage. "Hey!" He fell into step beside her. "Do you have Emily's keys? I can catch a cab back to my car after I drop it off at the hospital."

"She won't need them." JJ muttered and clicked the lock button on her key fob and searched for the lights. Ever since she'd gotten pregnant, she couldn't ever remember where she parked her car. Morgan paused and then rubbed his chest as the stupidity of his offer sunk in.

"All right. I'll see you there." He pulled off to the side, and JJ listened to his vehicle unlock a in the next row. She sighed in resignation as she followed his car from the parking garage and wished she were heading home to crawl into bed instead of picking Emily up from the hospital. She was exhausted and emotional, and if she told the truth, she simply wanted to press her lips to Emily's neck and fall asleep in her arms instead of dancing around Derrick's subtle questions for the next few hours and fighting off nausea from the smell of antiseptic. Maybe they would rush the exam since Emily was a federal agent.


	17. Chapter 17

**Hello minions! So, I flirted with the idea of making Will jealous and slightly abusive (because honestly he's always seemed like sort of a jackhole to me), but I think this works better and will fit with the actual storyline of the show a lot better. **

**Let me know what you think! Comments and criticisms are always welcome. This is for you guys and gals, so let me know what you want. **

When they arrived at the hospital, JJ and Morgan were not immediately granted access to Emily's room. According to the triage nurse, she'd been taken directly to X-ray and the doctor had ordered a CT scan before she would be assigned a bed in triage. If the results revealed anything serious, she'd be assigned a room. JJ was thankful and irritated at the same time. She was glad that Emily was being rushed through the process and that the attending doctor seemed to be taking great care and precaution, but at the same time, she didn't want to be away from Emily for another minute. JJ slumped into the hard cushion of one of the waiting room chairs and propped her elbows on her knees.

"Thought you were getting checked out?" Morgan stood next to her and scanned the near empty room. JJ followed his gaze. A frantic mother held her toddler close as she coughed roughly. A man in a flannel shirt and blue jeans held his hand covered with a bloody rag at the height of his shoulder, but other than that, the two agents were left alone in the vast room with pale pink and blue spotted tiles.

"It can wait. I'll call my OB when I wake up and make an appointment. Hotch gave me a few days off to recover." She hung her head between her shoulders and sighed. "Morgan, how do I do this?"

"Do what, JJ?" He sat next to her and put a comforting hand on her back.

"How do I let her go into these situations without letting the fear of losing her paralyze me? How can I possibly continue to do this job when I know how it can end? I mean, look at Elle and Gideon. Hotch is barely hanging on by a thread after his divorce. Rossi's had three marriages. I'm not even sure Reid's lost his virginity, and you haven't had a relationship that lasted longer than a weekend since I've known you. We all push people away and blame it on the job, but the truth is that we push them away so we can pretend that if they ever become a victim to the monsters we hunt everyday it won't scar us so deeply. But it will. It will cut us so deeply that we will never recover." Tears stung the back of her throat, and she leaned into Morgan's strong arm for comfort. He wrapped her into an embrace without hesitation. He had no words to answer her questions or offer comfort.

"Agent Jareau?" She wiped at her eyes and turned towards the foreign voice. A short, round woman in pink scrubs and tired eyes looked expectantly at the two agents.

"That's me."

"Agent Prentiss is asking for you, very impatiently if I might add. I don't normally retrieve family members." The nurse's words were irritated, but her eyes shone a little at the mention of the injured agent.

"How is she?" JJ asked as she fell into step with the nurse. She felt Morgan's irritating presence at her shoulder and glanced back to see if he would follow them all the way to Emily's bed. He did.

"Well, she is extremely dehydrated, which probably made everything feel worst than it was. As far as we can tell, there are no life-threatening injuries that we can see on the outside. The doctor can tell you more once she reads the results of the CT and X-rays."

JJ nodded, silently relieved that Emily's physical wounds appeared to be superficial. The nurse walked her to Emily's bed and then scurried down the hall and grabbed another chart. JJ stepped inside Emily's cubical and pulled the curtain closed behind her before Morgan could follow. Emily's eyebrows pulled together at the hostile gesture, and she pulled herself straighter in the bed.

"What did Morgan…" Emily's question was cut short when JJ crushed her lips against hers.

Once the pain from her injuries dulled from the sudden pressure, she responded immediately, bodily. Her fingers ached with the need to pull JJ closer, and she allowed them the freedom to relieve that twitch in her hair, on her thigh. Her hand slipped around her leg and held her against the bed, fingertips tickling the inside of her thigh. JJ sighed into her mouth and pressed her elbow into the bed near Emily's head, needing to be closer, to feel the warmth emanating from Emily's body. The next two days would be absolute bliss, nothing between her and Emily but air and sweat, and she couldn't wait until the doctors gave her the okay to leave the hospital.

"Emily," Morgan said as he pulled back the curtain. JJ jumped back, but Emily's hand stayed nestled between her thighs. "Whoa." He made a show of shielding his eyes and then peeping through his fingers. "Damn. I mean, I know you're together, but I never imagined you, ya know, together." Morgan joked, and JJ rolled her eyes while Emily tried to control her breathing.

"Wait, you know? Who else knows?" Emily's eyes were wide, but her tongue stilled as the doctor followed Morgan through the curtain.

"Well, Agent Prentiss, I'm Dr. Martin. As I suspected you are completely fine. You have a few bruised ribs, deep tissue damage on your abdomen and face. You are dehydrated, but that is to be expected considering you were held captive for three days. A week's rest and lots of fluids and you should be good to go. I understand you've just returned from duty, so I've already filed your release paperwork. I just need a signature, and you're good to go." The fifty-something woman with shiny golden hair wasted no time with niceties or preamble. She was polite but to the point, and JJ liked her immediately.

"Thank you." Emily signed the form and smiled.

"You're welcome. I also have a prescription for some mild pain killers and sedatives to help you sleep. If you're up and about, take the pain killer. If you're trying to sleep, take the sedative. Pretty basic. Never take them within four hours of each other. Questions?" She glanced around at the three agents expectantly and then nodded.

"Thank you, Dr. Martin." JJ shook the woman's hand cordially and then reached for Emily's clothes.

"JJ, I'll call Hotch and let him know that everything is okay. If you need anything, call me. Prentiss, take it easy." With that, he was gone.

"My god, I thought he'd never stop following me around." JJ tore at the plastic bag that held Emily's clothes and dropped it on the bed when she couldn't open it, tears of frustration on her cheeks. Emily could only watch for the first few moments.

"Jennifer, come here." She pushed herself into a sitting position and dangled her feet over the bed. JJ stepped between her knee, and Emily sighed contentedly when the baby bump pressed into her stomach. JJ wrapped her arms around Emily's shoulders and pressed her face into her neck.

"What's got you so worked up, Sweetheart?" Emily whispered as she soothed her hands across JJ's back. She wanted to take all of her pain away, to save her from all the horror they saw every day, but she knew taking JJ away from the BAU would be killing a part of her if she wasn't ready to leave.

"Em, I froze. When I found out that you and Reid had been taken hostage, I panicked. I never panic like that. And then we had to listen to you be beaten, and then you told me that you loved me and that you wanted a family with me over that stupid radio with Morgan listening to every word. He wouldn't leave me alone, Em, like he had something to prove because he knows what the rest of the team doesn't. I mean, I'm grateful for his support and silence, but I don't want him involved in our relationship. What caused your panic attack, Emily?" Emily pulled back in surprise and searched JJ's eyes.

"What? You think I didn't know. The entire team knows what happened on that plane, and it's only a matter of time until they link our relationship to the cause of it. I think that's why Derrick was hanging around. He wanted to see if it happened again… because of me." JJ pulled away from Emily and picked up the bags of clothes again, opening the bag on the first try this time.

"JJ, I panicked because I realized just how much I had to live for. You and the baby, you mean everything to me. I've never had that before. I've never had to think about who I would be leaving behind if I ever died during a case because, the truth is, I've never really had anyone before. No one I cared enough about to think twice when I rushed into danger. It's just something that we are going to have to work through together because it isn't something I can stop and consider when I'm facing down an unsub. I have to consider how my actions will affect who is beside me, not waiting for me at home."

Emily allowed JJ to pull her gown off during her explanation and dress her. She was pleased when JJ shoved her bra and panties back into the bag and obediently raised her arms as JJ lowered her shirt onto her body. She'd pulled her slacks over her knees and then dropped to the floor to push her boots onto her feet. Emily watched her work once she'd run out of words and silently stood as JJ pulled the pants over her hips and buttoned them. JJ glanced everywhere except Emily's eyes, and Emily stilled her hands before they began straightening the clothing she'd just put her in.

"JJ?" A masculine voice called from the curtained door. Emily looked over, already knowing that southern drawl belonged to Will and sighed.

"Will, what are you doing here?" Emily asked when she felt JJ press into her subtly, away from him. The men in their lives were pushing her pregnant partner to her brink, and Emily felt her anger rising at their inability to leave them alone.

"Agent Hotchner called me. Said JJ was coming to the hospital to get checked out after the case. I had my partner drop me off. I'm going to catch up to him at the station later." Will explained as he stepped inside the curtain. "Damn, Emily, are you all right?"

"I'm fine, just banged up is all." She wrapped an arm around JJ's waist and unconsciously pulled her closer, still nervous around the father of JJ's child.

"JJ, are you all right?" He shoved his hands in his pockets and hunched his shoulders forward, obviously restraining himself from physically touching his former lover.

"I'm fine, Will. I'm making an appointment with the OB later today. I'll text you and let you know when it is if you want to come. It's just a precaution to make sure the stress isn't affecting the baby." JJ clipped. Emily felt her muscles tense beneath her fingertips, and she understood that she needed to get Jennifer out of there as soon as possible.

"All right. I'd like that." The poor man looked as though he might cry, and Emily pulled JJ forward with her towards him.

"Will, we just got back a few hours ago and came straight here. Thank you so much for coming, but we really need to get home before I fall asleep standing up." Emily explained as gently as possible. They all really needed to sit down and talk about things before the baby got here.

"Do you maybe want to come over for dinner while we have a few days off? Maybe tomorrow evening?" Emily offered, and JJ dug her nails into Emily's side. Of course she didn't like it, but she'd deal with it. Emily never intended to freeze Will out of their lives because she knew what he was going through, and she knew that the hollow feeling inside his chest would not go away for a very long time.

"I'd like that very much, Emily. If you don't mind, though, I think I'd rather do it at my apartment. I'll make my Daddy's gumbo." His eyes lightened a little bit, and Emily smiled but ultimately looked down at JJ for the answer. She nodded.

"7:30 okay?" He asked, and she nodded again.

"We'll see you then, Will. Thanks again for coming. Do you need a ride to the station?" Will glanced between the two women and then shook his head.

"I'll be all right. Take care of each other." He held the curtain back for them and then lingered until they'd left the triage wing of the emergency room, giving them space, making it known that he didn't expect anything from them.

"Why did you do that, Emily?" JJ scolded more than asked as she buckled her seatbelt.

"He is the father of your child, Jen, and we need to talk about this before that precious soul in your belly comes into this world. He gave up his entire life to be near you and that baby, even after he found out about us. It's only fair that we give him the courtesy and consideration that he's given us." Emily wanted her to understand her point of view but knew that she never would. How could she? She'd never even come close to losing either of them, and she certainly didn't see when she looked in the mirror what they saw when they looked at her.

"This is really important to you, isn't it?" JJ moved the shifter to drive but never moved her foot from the brake pedal.

"It is." Emily leaned back in the seat and rolled her head in JJ's direction when no response came from the driver's seat. JJ had a funny look on her face, a reverence almost. "What?" Emily asked, genuinely confused by the whiplash emotions JJ seemed to be cycling through today.

"You're incredible." She smiled and then shook her head before she finally pulled out of the parking spot.

"So are you." Emily whispered, unsure if JJ even heard her or not as her eyes slipped shut when the exhaustion and the gentle rocking of the car finally claimed her mind for sleep.


	18. Chapter 18

**Hello darlings! Reviews, comments and requests are welcome. Don't be shy! Enjoy!**

"Emily. Babe, we're home. I brought you to the house. It's closer than your condo." JJ gently pulled her exhausted lover from her doze in the passenger seat.

"I'm not asleep. Just resting my eyes. I'll get up when we stop." Emily muttered and turned her face away from JJ's hand. JJ giggled silently and propped her elbow on the steering wheel, cradling her head in her palm.

"We've stopped four times, Em." The sleeping agent cracked one eye and squinted at her surroundings, confirming for herself that they were indeed in front of JJ's small house just outside the city. Her head lolled towards JJ's voice and she spoke though a sudden yawn. "Where did we stop?"

"I picked up your prescriptions and a few groceries for dinner tonight and I got us some food for breakfast from that little diner on the way out of the city. Figured we could use something as close to a home cooked meal as we could get. I got you biscuits and gravy and some bacon." JJ smiled when Emily groaned her appreciation at the mention of bacon.

"I love bacon." Emily confided dreamily as her eyes became heavy again. JJ bit her lip to stop it, but the laugh escaped her anyway. Emily forced her eyes to open at the sound; she wanted to see JJ's smile.

"Come on, let's get you inside." JJ grabbed a white plastic bag from the back seat which wafted the smell of bacon towards Emily but exited the car before Emily could grab the bag.

"You're motivating me with the scent of bacon, Agent Jareau. Is this how the press feels when you intentionally mislead them?" Emily accused when JJ opened her door and offered her lover a steady hand to pull on as she forced herself from the car.

"I highly doubt they're thinking of bacon." JJ shook her head and pushed her own fatigue to the back of her mind as Emily leaned heavily on her arm.

JJ was certain that Emily wouldn't even finish her breakfast before she had passed out again. To her knowledge, Emily hadn't taken anything that would make her this drowsy, though she could have at the hospital while she and Morgan had been in the waiting room, but the fact that Emily wasn't refusing help or, at the very least, arguing with her about it, drugged or not, concerned JJ. Emily was in serious pain, probably physically and emotionally and completely exhausted. Throw on top of that her dehydration and lack of food in the past three days and JJ figured that she may be witnessing the proud and strong Emily Prentiss at her most vulnerable.

She fumbled with her keys at the door but managed to get inside without dropping Emily or the food. She sat the bag on the small table near the entrance and punched in her code for the alarm system before it started blaring and called the police, door left wide open. She helped Emily to the couch and set the bag of food on the coffee table in front of her. Her back screamed in protest from the extra strain, but she ignored it. If Emily saw her show pain, she would immediately clam up and forbid JJ to take care of her any longer, and JJ wanted to take care of her, needed to be the strong one for a few hours.

"Jennifer?" A foreign female voice called from the door, and Emily stiffened in her seat, prepared to move and defend if necessary. JJ scrunched her forehead at the paranoid reaction but said nothing.

"In here, Mrs. Crowley." JJ called towards the door and watched Emily relax into the cushions again.

"Oh there you are, darling. Welcome home." The fifty-something woman was short and squat, built tough, and JJ felt the strength in her wrinkled hands when she pulled her into a hug as she always did when JJ returned from an assignment.

"Thanks. Mrs. Crowley, this is my partner Agent Emily Prentiss." JJ gestured to the couch once the elder woman pulled back from the embrace. Emily struggled to pull herself from the sofa, but the silver-haired woman waved her hands frantically.

"Oh, don't get up on my account, Honey." She waited until Emily had resettled herself into the cushions before speaking. "Hello Emily, it is so nice to finally meet you. My Jennifer here has told me so much about you." The woman shook Emily's proffered hand firmly and then turned her gaze to JJ.

"Nice to meet you, Mrs. Crowley." Emily returned politely. Though slightly irritated and confused by this woman's older presence, Emily immediately liked her.

"So, this is the mysterious woman of your dreams?" She raised an eyebrow at JJ and smirked, and Emily understood that JJ had come out to this woman. If JJ trusted her that much, then Emily would, too.

"Oh don't mind me!" Mrs. Crowley exclaimed as he hands fluttered near her heart. "Jennifer, dear, can I put on some coffee for you or help you with anything?" The woman could barely control her excitement, and Emily groaned inwardly as JJ rolled her eyes and bit her lip to keep form laughing.

"Actually, if you could get Emily a plate and a fork and make some hot tea while I bring in the groceries, I would be extremely grateful." JJ offered, understanding Mrs. Crowley's need to assist them. Emily watched a darkness pass over JJ's face as Mrs. Crowley flitted from the room, and it had nothing to do with groceries or tea. She tucked the information away to ask JJ to explain when they were alone. Emily turned slightly to observe her lover's hunched shoulders and slightly hung head. Though she never spoke of it before, she knew that JJ and Mrs. Crowley shared a bond that was unbreakable and very, very deep.

"Here you are, my dear. Which one is yours?" Mrs. Crowley looked expectantly at the food and then smiled. "I'm sure you didn't order the scrambled eggs with chopped pickles mixed in, so here you go." The woman transferred the biscuits and gravy to the plate with minimal trouble, and Emily marveled at her skill. She would have definitely made a mess had she attempted that. She smiled when the older woman tipped the cellophane container to the side and scraped the remaining gravy onto the biscuits.

"A skinny girl like you needs all the gravy she can get." Mrs. Crowley assured with a curt nod of her head, and Emily fought the urge to laugh at the expression. "So, tell me all about your case, dear. Where did you get those?" Emily flinched at the sudden contact on her face, uncomfortable with the stranger's touch. She leaned forward under the guise of cutting her biscuit before answering the woman.

"I was held hostage for three days by a cult leader." Emily really didn't want to offer more information than that, hadn't yet fully processed the trauma she'd suffered.

"Oh my poor dear, you were that undercover agent in that ranch in Colorado, weren't you." Emily chewed as quickly as possible and then swallowed.

"Yes, Ma'am." Emily confirmed and took another bite of the lukewarm biscuit smothered in gravy.

She wanted the woman to go away and stop asking questions but didn't want to offend someone who was obviously so close to JJ. Luckily, she didn't have. A bang and a curse from the kitchen had Mrs. Crowley on her feet and gone in only a second. Emily figured that JJ had dropped something from the grocery bags on the floor and continued to eat her breakfast. Her stomach protested at the slow rate it was receiving sustenance, but Emily understood that overeating at this point could only do her more harm than good. She'd had nothing to eat since breakfast the day she went to the ranch, that was four mornings ago, and the only thing she'd had to drink was her own blood and saliva and the small drink of water Jessica's mom had given her after she'd cleaned the blood from her face. Was that only last night? Emily's thoughts consumed her consciousness and only released her when JJ's warm hand on her shoulder pulled her back to reality.

"Hey, where'd you go?" JJ asked softly, eyes wide and concerned.

"Just thinking." Emily glanced around the house, noticed the steaming mugs of tea and a bottle of barbeque sauce on the table before them. It was quiet. "Where's Mrs. Crowley?"

"I sent her home about five minutes ago. Did you not see bring the tea in?" JJ's concerned grew exponentially. Had Emily blacked out or just been so consumed with her thoughts that she hadn't been aware of what had happened right in front of her face?

"I must have just closed my eyes for a moment." She knew it was a lie and she knew that JJ knew it was a lie, but neither of them said anything about it. Emily's stomach growled and moaned with the new presence of food to digest, and she popped the remaining piece of bacon into her mouth and pushed away the plate of half-eaten biscuits and gravy. She hadn't even tasted it.

"Drink your tea." JJ urged and grabbed the barbeque sauce. Emily's features contorted into a mixture of disgust and confusion when JJ dumped the thick dark liquid onto her scrambled eggs. JJ snorted in amusement and then groaned when the odd mixture hit her taste buds.

"This is exactly what I've been craving for the past two days." She shoveled more of the mixture into her mouth, and Emily shook her head before sipping her tea. It tasted like nothing, no flavor, no sweet or tartness, just something warm and wet.

"I thought you were supposed to be sick in the mornings?" Emily grimaced as she watched another forkful of the concoction disappear into her lover's mouth.

"Actually, the morning sickness thing is a lie." JJ confided around her mouthful before she swallowed and prepared another bite. Emily shivered at the pickle covered in barbeque sauce on the end of the fork. "You get sick any time of the day, depending on the stimulation." The fork disappeared into her mouth, and Emily felt a stirring in her belly as she focused on JJ's lips gliding across the smooth metal as she cleaned every drop of sauce.

How in the world could she be turned on by watching JJ eat scrambled eggs with pickles and barbeque sauce after the last three days? Disgusted with her body, Emily returned the half empty mug of tea to the table and struggled to her feet. She didn't want to be aroused right now. She didn't want anything. How could she sit here and casually talk about pregnancy cravings and "morning" sickness with JJ when they'd just been through something so traumatic? How could Will and Morgan and Mrs. Crowley just waltz in and be so calm and caring and… normal? Didn't they understand that she'd nearly died, that Reid was nearly blown up? She was disgusted with all of them. Why didn't anyone ever talk about anything straightforwardly? Like when Reid had become addicted to whatever Tobias Hankel had pumped into his system, no one but her had had the gall to stand up to him and call him on his behavior. He hated her for a little bit, but at least he knew that she'd noticed and hadn't been afraid to confront his trauma with him instead of whispering about it behind his back and hoping that he'd pull through in one piece.

"Emily?" JJ paused mid-bite and stared up at her with concerned eyes.

"I'm going to take a shower." Emily clipped, unable to stop the icy edge in her voice. She wasn't angry with JJ, but she refused to sit idly and make small talk while all of these dark thoughts were running through her brain. She felt JJ's eyes on her back as she painfully made her way up the stairs, and with each slow step, JJ felt her appetite drain from her.

She waited for a few minutes, unsure whether or not following Emily would be the best course of action. The dark-haired profiler obviously had too much on her mind to process right now, and JJ pondered if waiting until they'd both had some sleep would be better than confronting Emily's demons now. She followed. Even if Emily didn't speak to her, she would let her know that she was there for her if she needed her and get a shower in the process. The staircase seemed longer than usual, and JJ began to puff through her fatigue as the small climb winded her. She'd need sleep and soon if she hoped to recover enough to be of any use to Emily in the coming days.

"Em?" She called as she opened the door, not wanting to startle her partner. Steam filtered through the crack in the door, but JJ heard no telltale signs of water bouncing off a body. Emily's pants were bunched in front of the door, and JJ shoved it over them so she could get into the bathroom. Emily sat on the closed toilet with her shirt pulled up to her ribcage, silently crying. JJ slowly kneeled in front of her and cautiously placed her hands on Emily's bruised thighs. JJ realized she must have been beaten a lot more than she let on. How had she missed that at the hospital? She knew why, but contemplating her own selfish needs that dictated her decisions and perceptions for the last few hours right now would not help Emily.

"Emily, baby, what's wrong? Talk to me." JJ rubbed her thumbs gently over the damaged skin but forced her eyes to remained glued to Emily's face, searching for any sign that her touch was unwelcomed.

"I can't get my shirt off." Emily whispered through her tears, hating her weakness. How difficult was it to take a shirt off?

"Do you want me to help you?" JJ ventured, almost as quietly as Emily's whisper. She wasn't sure why she felt the need to whisper, to be as quiet as possible, but it felt as though any loud noise would disturb this moment, end it prematurely. Emily nodded, sat a little straighter and then raised her arms. JJ's eyes studied her face as her hands slowly glided over her hips and stomach. She easily slid her fingers beneath the garment, hooking it on her thumbs and traced Emily's skin with her palms and other fingers as she pulled the shirt upward. Emily's hair bounced and swung around her shoulders when JJ pulled the shirt free of the shining locks. Emily shivered in her new freshly exposed state, and JJ moved her hands back to the safe spot on her girlfriend's thighs.

"Emily, what really happened in there?" JJ's eyes searched her body for undocumented bruises, and her heart rate rose with every mark and then froze when she noticed that her left thigh had a bruise in the shape of a hand print near her hip. Bile rose in her throat.

"Emily?" she swallowed, not wanting to know the answer to the question she was about to ask. "Emily, did Cyrus… did he…" she couldn't bring herself to say it.

"I called out for you. When he and his men were dragging me upstairs after he found out I was an agent. I was apologizing because I thought I was going to die and leave you alone. I didn't mean to, but he figured it out." Emily's voice was dull, dead of emotion, and JJ waited. She didn't want to hear any of this, but she knew that Emily needed to say it so that she could start the healing process.

"What happened after that?" JJ encouraged quietly. Her question seemed to go unheard, but she dared not speak any louder. She waited.

"He told me that I was a sinner, an abomination, that even in the presence of God I clung to my atrocities. He said that I needed to be cleansed." Her voice cracked, and JJ tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, needing to see her face clearly. She would relive every moment of this with Emily if it was the last thing she ever did, because the guilt and torture she already felt would surely grow and kill her soon.

"Emily, did he… touch you?" She still couldn't bring herself to say the word that needed to be said. Emily nodded.

"I fought. I fought so hard, but my hands were tied behind my back. We were upstairs, so I knew that no one on the outside would be able to hear me. Reid was still down in the tunnels, or they probably would have killed him for trying to save me if he knew what Cyrus was doing." Tears leaked from her eyes, but she never sobbed, never made a sound as they slid down her cheeks and dripped onto her chest. It tore JJ apart to see such a strong and proud woman so broken.

"He didn't rape me, Jennifer." She said suddenly, her voice stronger than it had been since JJ had entered the bathroom. JJ nearly collapsed from the relief of the statement.

"What did he do?" She needed to know even if she didn't want to hear it.

"He touched me. Stuck his hand down my pants and… entered me." She released a deep breath through her lips as she collected her strength. This is what she had wanted, right? Someone to make her confront her trauma, someone to share it with her instead of sweeping it under the rugs in their minds.

"It didn't last very long, or at least I don't think it did. It felt like an eternity to me, but I… my body… it responded." Her voice was meek and broken again, like she was ashamed of what had happened.

"Emily, that isn't your fault." JJ immediately countered. "Our bodies are biologically conditioned to respond to stimuli. It doesn't mean anything. It doesn't mean you liked it or that you asked for it or that you wanted it." JJ's voice cracked and tightened as tears instantly filled and spilled over the rims of her eyes. "He molested you, Emily. He probably would have raped you if things hadn't escalated so quickly, if we'd let you spend the night in there instead of going in at three." She held Emily's face in her hands, made her look into her eyes, to see the truth and the conviction there.

"Do you understand me, Emily?" Emily nodded, unable to speak. "You're not alone, Baby. I'm right here, and I will not let you go through this alone. I promise." Emily leaned her head into JJ's shoulder and allowed the tears to flow freely down her face. It was okay to cry in front of JJ because JJ would hold the pieces of her together until she was strong enough to hold them herself.

"I want to take a shower." Emily confided into JJ's neck and then cursed herself for the words when JJ pulled out of the embrace.

"Okay. Do you want me to stay?" JJ searched Emily's face for the answers that she wouldn't stay, saw the fear dance in her eyes. She should allow Emily some alone time to clean herself as best she could. She stood and turned towards the door.

"No!" Emily grabbed her wrist painfully, and JJ turned towards lover.

It hadn't been fear of her staying that she had seen in Emily's eyes but fear of her leaving. JJ nodded. Emily's grip relaxed and then fell away as she struggled to her feet. JJ steadied her with gentle hands on her biceps and then froze when that same hungry look in Emily's eyes from the jet earlier this morning returned. JJ swallowed roughly, feeling her body react to that predatory gaze, just as it had on the plane. A nagging voice in the back of her mind told her to ignore her body and focus on Emily, that her lover was vulnerable right now and didn't need to be taken advantage of in this state, even if she did want it, but that voice was quickly being strangled by JJ's growing desire when Emily's hands slipped beneath the hem of her shirt. JJ could only surrender her body to Emily's will. She'd worry about the ramifications later.

"I need to feel you, Jen." Emily whispered just before she placed a kiss just below JJ's ear. JJ nodded and raised her arms as Emily pulled her shirt over her body. Her fingers immediately grasped the clasp of JJ's bra, and it joined her shirt on the floor in seconds.

In the blink of an eye, she was somehow stepping into the shower completely naked. Emily stood under the warm stream and pressed her body into JJ's as they hugged and cried together. Emily's hand were everywhere and nowhere all at once, her breasts, her ass, between her legs, but they never lingered long enough for JJ to truly register that they were there or if she'd only dreamed it. They would not get much washing done during this shower. Skin slid across skin in a delicious warming sensation as the water cascaded around them. JJ pressed Emily against the back wall, and Emily grabbed the safety bar as she watched JJ sink to her knees.

It was awkward at first as JJ worked around her baby bump, and Emily spread her legs further to accommodate the protruding belly. JJ took her time to kiss each bruise as water fell over her head, drained into her mouth from Emily's body with each kiss. She pressed her lips to Emily's hip bone and glanced up at the chocolate brown eyes watching her every move. The scent of Emily's arousal tickled her nose, heightened by the wet steam surrounding them.

"Are you sure, Emily?" JJ asked softly, and Emily nodded as she brushed JJ's hair from her face.

Her hand tangled through the wet tresses as JJ buried her head between Emily's legs. One tentative swipe with a flat tongue at first, and then a few gentle flicks of the tips. She waited for Emily to demand that she stop, but it never came. All she heard were low groans in the back of Emily's throat and soft sighs. Emily's hand tightened in her hair when she wholeheartedly gave herself over to her task and began rubbing her entire tongue from Emily's slit to her clit, over and over again. JJ's hands ached to be inside her lover, but she forced them to remain elsewhere, one holding Emily's thigh that had somehow found its way over her shoulder and the other on Emily's breast. She didn't want the memory of Cyrus' fingers inside her lover to ruin this moment for Emily.

"Jen. Jen. Jen." Emily whispered over and over again. It was different from her usual behavior during sex, but JJ figured that perhaps Emily was reminding herself who was touching her since her eyes were squeezed tightly shut.

JJ sensed more than felt Emily's orgasm. Her body tensed beneath JJ's hands and then froze as she struggled to remain upright. JJ couldn't hold her, so she scoot back in the tub and guided Emily's fall, immediately pulling her against her chest when she was safely on the floor. Emily's shoulders shook as the euphoria ran through her veins, cleansing his touch from her mind, her soul. She clung to JJ for dear life. She curled her torso around the baby bump and practically lay on top of her lover as she sobbed the last four days away, trusting the JJ would hold her together for just a little bit longer.

"I've got you, Em. It's okay. You're safe. You're safe, now. I've got you." JJ repeated her mantra over and over and over until she felt Emily's body relax into her hers. She glanced down at the damaged woman in her arms and brushed black hair from her red face.

She reached over her head and grabbed the shampoo and conditioner from the second shelf and then pushed Emily into a sitting position. Emily allowed her to work the shampoo into her hair and sighed into the touch as she rinsed and repeated the process with the conditioner. Body wash came next. JJ worked a good lather onto her hands and then ran them over Emily's body, but the water washed it away almost as quickly as she applied it. It didn't matter.

Once she felt that Emily was okay to start moving again, she stood, shut off the water and carefully stepped out of the tub. She toweled herself down in a rush and then reached for Emily who had pulled herself out of the tub and stood dripping on the tile floor. JJ ran the towel over Emily's body and squeezed the excess water into the fluffy fabric before securing it around Emily's body. She would have done the same for herself, but towels no longer fit around her belly and swelled breasts. Silently, she led Emily through the house to her bedroom. Not bothering with clothes, she toweled them both again and then crawled into the bed. Emily followed gratefully.

Finally she would get some proper sleep. Finally she almost felt clean again.


	19. Chapter 19

JJ gasped and dropped the mug of hot tea she'd prepared on the bedroom floor. Emily's hand had slid around her throat as quickly as lightening strikes the ground when she'd leaned over the bed to wake her. Emily's wide brown eyes were wild, unseeing as her fear and adrenaline coursed painfully through her fingertips. JJ's hand flew to Emily's wrist, but she stopped herself before she began struggling. That could only make things worst at this point. Slowly, she rubbed Emily's knuckles with her thumb, ignoring the heat in her cheeks form the lack of oxygen.

"Em," she croaked out, hoping that her voice would be enough to pull Emily from whatever nightmare she'd been having. JJ had already decided to let Emily sleep until she awoke on her own while she sat in bed with her tea and read, but when she'd heard the whimpering and incoherent grumbling, desperate pleas that she could not understand, she had acted without thinking first.

"Emily, it's me. It's Jennifer." She whispered. The grip on her throat loosened, and JJ felt the tension drain from her frozen muscles when a glimmer of recognition flashed in Emily's brown eyes. The flicker turned into horror in a matter of seconds when the realization of what had just happened came crashing into Emily.

"Jen, I'm so sorry!" Her hand fell away, but JJ caught it before Emily could pull back. "I didn't mean it. I thought… I'm so sorry, Jennifer." Emily struggled to free her hand from JJ's grasp for a moment but gave up when JJ would not relinquish her hold.

"Emily, it's okay, Baby. You were having a nightmare." Had anyone else grabbed her throat like that, JJ wouldn't have hesitated to react like she'd been taught in her hand to hand training. Had anyone else grabbed her like that, JJ felt certain that she would have panicked, felt unsafe, out of control of the situation. Emily wasn't just anybody, though, and JJ knew that she'd never intentionally harm her in any way.

"It's not okay. Are you hurt?" JJ shook her head and folded a leg beneath her as she sat on the bed next to the rattled profiler.

"Do you want to talk about your nightmare?" She asked gently, her hand still tightly clutching Emily's.

"We don't need to talk about it, Jen. You already know what it was about." Emily pulled the comforter up to her shoulders, self-consciously concealing her naked body.

JJ's forehead scrunched at the gesture, but she said nothing as she pushed herself away from the bed and retrieved a pair of Emily's basketball shorts and a baggy t-shirt from the bottom drawer of her dresser. After New York, JJ had insisted that Emily leave clothes at her house in case she ever needed them. Namely, she was concerned that Emily would crash at her house after a case and have nothing to wear save for the dirty clothes on her back and the wrinkled ones, covered in who knows what, in her go bag. She was certain that Emily would provide a feasible excuse for her lack of clean clothes and dutifully do the walk of shame as the rest of the team threw playful taunts and jabs her way, but JJ felt better knowing that she would not need to take that risk. Emily stared at the clothes in JJ's hands and licked her lips in contemplation. How could she ask JJ for help with the shirt and hide her body at the same time?

JJ tossed the shorts on the bed and then scrunched up the shirt until she held all of the fabric in both of her hands, arm and head holes at the ready. Emily tucked the blanket around her torso and held out her arms. JJ slid the shirt over her arms and head and then busied herself with tea all over her carpet. The towel from their shower earlier had been tossed near the dresser and she retrieved it and scrubbed at the spot, one eye on her task and the other on Emily's every movement. She continued to dab at the floor even after Emily had slipped into the shorts and looked at her expectantly. At least she could give Emily the illusion of privacy even if she was too afraid to take her eyes, even peripherally, away from the injured woman.

"I made a salad and some pasta. You feel up to eating?" JJ asked as she snagged the mug from the floor, sat it on the nightstand and stood.

"What kind of pasta?" JJ's heart clenched at the dull depression that had edged its way into Emily's voice, and sighed.

"I made an alfredo sauce, but I can whip up some spaghetti sauce if you want." And there they were, making small talk about food again instead of discussing what had just happened. Emily snorted in disgust.

"Alfredo is fine." Emily gritted and pushed herself to her feet.

"Emily?" JJ touched her shoulder tentatively. Emily stiffened but didn't pull away, and JJ took that as a sign to move forward into Emily's personal space. Her belly brushed against Emily's hip, reminding them both that they would soon have a tiny person depending solely on them for everything that it needed.

"Em, look at me." And she did, but not her eyes. Her gaze focused on the ugly red marks around JJ's neck that had been a result of her own hand. Acid churned in her belly.

"You shouldn't be near me, JJ." Emily's cold voice and the use of her nickname grated across JJ's eardrums like nails on a chalkboard, and she snapped.

"Shut. Up." Emily's eyes widened in shock as they finally met JJ's determined crystal blue. "You were having a nightmare about sexual assault. I should have known better than to hover over you like that and you better believe that I will not make that mistake in the future. It happened. It's done. Nightmares come with this job so often that they should really have a disclaimer in the handbook when they train new agents. I'm not mad, or scared, or worried that you are going to hurt me. Now get off your cross and let's move on. I'm not going anywhere, Emily."

Her last sentence was a quiet conviction more than a statement, and she watch a glimmer of hope ignite in Emily's eyes. She would not be abandoned. She would not be alone, never alone. JJ stared into her eyes, willing her to believe, have faith in their bond, in herself. Emily felt herself nodding even before she fully registered what was happening. JJ was strong, so much stronger than anyone gave her credit for on the team and personally. Maybe she really had been destined to be loved, maybe she just needed to wait until she'd found the most compassionate and strong-willed person in the world before she could truly experience it. Maybe she'd needed to wait until she'd found someone as strong as she was before she could truly allow herself to be weak, to give herself wholly to another person, scars and all. Jennifer Jareau might just be the person who would help her save her soul.


	20. Chapter 20

JJ jerked awake, hoping that the pounding in her head wasn't the onset of a migraine. _Bang. Bang. Bang._ It wasn't her head at all. Someone was pounding on the front door, obviously trying to wake them up. She focused her eyes towards the clock on the wall and groaned. Irritated, she disentangled herself from a still-slumbering Emily. Her frustration melted away, however, when Emily groaned slightly and curled tighter on the sofa, trying to subconsciously fill the physical void she'd just made. She had no clue that someone was knocking on the door at 6:30 in the morning, but she had known the second JJ had left her side. She took a moment to adjust the blanket they'd been cuddling under while watching some TV movie – and had obviously fallen asleep under—deciding that their uninvited and rather rude guest could wait a moment longer.

JJ rubbed at her eyes and tried to ignore the chill of the hardwood floor in the early morning hours as she crossed the foyer. A shot of dread pulled through her when she peered through the peephole, and for a moment, she considered ignoring the visitor completely, pretending that she hadn't heard the persistent knocking. She took a deep breath and glanced towards the sofa to make sure Emily was still asleep. This was not a visit she wanted to be present for, but if she could at least spare Emily for a while longer, she would. Squaring her shoulders, she turned the deadbolt and opened the door.

"Hotch, what are you doing here?" She'd intended her voice to sound stern, but it only poured thickly into the air around her, still lazy from sleep.

"JJ, I know that it is early, and I'm sorry for the intrusion. I came to check on you and Emily before going to the office so that I might have something to report to Chief Strauss. May I come in?" He held his hands clasped in front of him, and JJ swore that if he had been born in an earlier era, he would have clutched a hat close to his belly as he called upon the two women under his care, as gentlemanly as ever. She hated his polite and respectful nature. It would be easier to be mad if he wasn't as honorable or considerate.

"Yeah. Sure." She turned to the side and stepped back, closing the door behind him. "Do you want some coffee?" She asked softly as she followed him into the living room.

"Coffee would be wonderful. Thank you." She jerked her head towards the kitchen, and he nodded in understanding. Emily slept peacefully on the couch, and JJ wanted to avoid waking her if it was necessary.

Hotch sat on a stool at the island and stared at JJ's back as she fussed over the coffee pot. Her shoulders were tight with tension and each movement seemed to be too controlled to be natural. He'd made her defensive even before he'd entered the house, which only confirmed what he'd suspected for a while now. JJ had something to hide, and he could only venture that it had something to do with Emily. She finally set the coffee to perk and with nothing else to occupy her hands or time with, she turned to Hotch and leaned against the counter.

"So, what's up, Hotch? Strauss breathing down your neck again?" She tried to steer the conversation away from whatever thoughts may be in his head unsuccessfully.

"I'm concerned about you and Emily. Have you seen your doctor yet?" She studied his eyes closely and sighed when she realized that this would only be the first in a barrage of questions he'd prepared.

"Not yet. I have an appointment with my OB today at 10. She's going to give me the whole physical, just to be safe." JJ answered swiftly, wanting this to be over as soon as possible.

"And Emily? Morgan called me after she'd been released from the hospital and told me that everything checked out okay and that she'd be staying here for a few days. How is she?" He chose his words carefully and spoke compassionately, but JJ felt an unspoken question or concern lurking beneath his dark eyes.

"She's okay. Well, as okay as can be expected." Should she tell him about the nightmare? Of course, he had a right to know. What about Emily's sexual assault? Why would that be pertinent to her performance as an agent? JJ knew the answer, because they often dealt with sexual abuse, even if the victims were dead. She sighed.

"I think more happened in the compound than she is letting on. She had a pretty bad nightmare last night, more like a night terror. When I woke her up, it was like she was still there." Her hand unconsciously floated to her throat, feeling Emily's finger gripping it tightly. She forced it back to the counter when she noticed Hotch's hard stare, his analysis of her every movement.

"Did she lash out? Was she violent in any way?" He broached the subject gently, and JJ was grateful that he at least partly understood that nightmares and anger and fear came with this job more often than not. JJ nodded and closed her eyes against his knowing gaze.

"She grabbed me by the throat. She didn't mean to, and she certainly didn't hurt me. It took her a few moments to realize that she wasn't there anymore, and then she immediately let go." She sighed. Hotch needed to know this information because he was their unit chief, and she felt honor bound to give him a full and accurate review of the events, but she still felt there was something else he was here to ask.

"She can do her job, Hotch. She'll be off for a little while to recover, a week at least the doctor said. She has a follow-up appointment in four days. She's strong. She'll be okay." JJ met his gaze with one of her own. She was determined to convince him that Emily would be fit for duty, both physically and mentally, when she was released for field duty once more.

"I know she is, JJ. I never meant to suggest that she would be anything but ready, but I have to ask these questions. I cannot have a compromised agent in the field. If she needs more time, I can arrange some vacation days that she never gets to use. For you, too, if you'd like." He added that last statement as an afterthought, and JJ could not control her reactions to it. She turned from him and retrieved two coffee mugs from the cabinet over the machine and slowly poured the dark liquid into the porcelain. He knew.

"Why would I need to take vacation days, Hotch? Once my OB gives me the go ahead, I will be back to work and that should be in the next few days." She spoke with her back to him and then took her time pulling the cream from the fridge.

When she turned back to the mugs, she nearly dropped the plastic container. Hotch had silently moved around the island and stood directly behind her. She craned her neck to look up at him and felt her forehead slowly crinkle in confusion. He almost looked lonely. Why would Hotch be lonely when she just told him that all of his agents would be returning to work in one piece as soon as they were cleared to do so? She dumped some cream into her cup and set the container on the counter, hoping that perhaps the familiar act would bring clarity to the moment. It didn't.

"JJ, as your unit chief, I can't condone what is happening between you and Emily." His eyes were wide and serious, always serious. JJ held her breath and waited for the backlash their love would cause. They'd been so careful, but it hadn't been enough. One of them would be returning to the BAU, and the other would transfer to another unit.

"As a person, however, I find myself powerless to stand in your way, especially when I know that for you it would have been a much easier road to simply marry Will and live life without risk." JJ's eyebrows shot towards the roof as her heart began beating in her chest once more. Had she heard him correctly?

"I've spent much of the last 24 hours contemplating how to handle this situation, and I have decided that I will do nothing. Neither of you have made this decision lightly, and you both understand the consequences should it ever come to light. Your careers in the BAU would be over for good. I will protect you as much as possible, of course, and try to make sure at least one of you would remain with the team, but understand that I will not hesitate to punish you to the fullest extent if this knowledge ever goes above my head. No one will lie for you and no one will be allowed to risk their position on the team for you. Do you understand?"

"Yes!" JJ nearly flung her arms around his neck in her excitement but caught herself in time. She could barely believe what was happening. Hotch had practically given her and Emily his blessing. She hugged her belly and grinned up at him. "Thank you."

"Don't thank me. I'm not doing you any favors. Had you been members of any other team, I highly doubt that anyone would have noticed. Keep it that way. For now, things will remain as they always were. Keep the touching to a minimal while in the field, drive separate vehicles, basically do what you've been doing to remain as innocent as possible." He took a huge of his coffee and gave JJ a moment to celebrate and digest all of the words he'd thrown at her this morning.

"Hotch?" Emily's scratchy voice called from the doorway of the kitchen, and JJ's euphoria ended abruptly. How much had she heard? Would she run now that she knew her career was on the edge of danger?

"You're not going to report us?" Emily's tone was raw and emotional, verging on tears and hysteria.

"Not at this time." He confirmed and drank from his cup again as he watched the varied emotions pass through Emily's shining brown eyes.

"Thank you." She whispered, and had JJ not been looking at her lips, she never would have understood what had been sad.

"Take care and keep me apprised of the situation. I want you back to work as soon as possible." He sat the half empty cup on the island and nodded to JJ. "Thanks for the coffee. I'll let myself out." And then he was gone. JJ didn't even hear the door close behind him, so soft was his exit.

"Em?" JJ approached the other woman slowly. Her eyes were still wide and brimming with tears. Her mouth hung open slightly as the shock of what had just happened took hold of her brain.

"Emily, baby, look at me." Emily listened, but her eyes were still unfocused as she turned them downward towards JJ's. JJ rubbed her hands over Emily's arms and shoulders, finally settling them on her collarbones as she tried to help her lover make sense of what had just happened.

"We're okay?" She said finally, eyes focusing as tears spilled onto her cheeks.

"We're okay." JJ answered, allowing her own tears to flow freely. Emily stepped into JJ's body and rested her forehead against JJ's.

"I don't have to choose." It was a statement, not a question, and JJ swallowed roughly, not allowing her mind to ponder what Emily might have chosen if presented with the decision.

"We don't have to choose." She corrected and then pressed her lips to Emily's cheek.

As long as they were careful, they'd never have to know if either of them would choose their careers over their love because when it came down to it, JJ wasn't certain she could let go of the BAU, not even for Emily. Like Emily had told her months ago, being an agent in the BAU isn't just a job, it's who she is.


	21. Chapter 21

**Hello, my minions! **

**To answer a question in the reviews: justanotherfan, no, this is not the ending. My plan is to follow the entire series at least up to JJ's wedding to Will. I'm trying to keep everything as close to the actual storyline is possible with a few "missing" scenes added. I am taking suggestions from followers for episodes they want to see done while adding in my own. I'm writing the storyline in chronological order, so some episodes are taking longer to get to than others, but I promise to do all that have been suggested. If you have any, please let me know. My next episode is Memoriam a.k.a JJ goes into labor! SQUEE! **

"Does all of this just seem too easy?" Emily blurted suddenly in the silent car. Her head had leaned against the rest and turned towards the window the first few minutes in the car. Now, stuck in a traffic jam a few blocks from Will's apartment, Emily finally sorted her thoughts enough to speak them.

"What do you mean?" JJ answered absently, eyes searching an opening in traffic to use the back alleys and roads to get the few blocks to Will's place.

"Us. This. I mean, Hotch and Morgan and Will. They all know and no one seems to care. I mean, they care but…" Emily babbled, and JJ stopped her futile search and turned towards her lover. Her face was ashen, like she'd thought of something that had literally terrified the color out of her.

"What's bugging you, Emily?" JJ pushed the shifter into park and turned in her seat.

"What are we going to tell your parents when they come visit their grandch…son." They both grinned at the last word, having discovered earlier at JJ's appointment that her child was a boy, a completely healthy and tough baby boy.

"I've thought about that, and I have no idea. My god, mom grounded me for a week when she caught me cuddling on the couch with my best friend. She's going to freak." JJ's tone told Emily that she'd thought about the different scenarios over and over again until she wasn't even shocked or fazed anymore by the thought over her mother overreacting.

"Tell her that you're marrying into money. That should soften the blow." Emily smirked and then smiled when JJ rolled her eyes, unable to contain her grin.

"I'll think of something, just not until after he's here." She laid her hands on her belly and smiled. "He doesn't need to come into all of that conflict." Emily watched her eyes go dark as her mind drifted to another dark place and sighed.

"What is it, Babe? Talk to me." Emily brushed hair from her face and traced her knuckles over JJ's jaw.

"Actually, I need you to talk to me." Her voice was so quiet that Emily strained to hear over the cacophony of blaring horns and revving motors.

"Okay." She said cautiously, brows furrowing in confusion.

"Emily, I…" She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. "Who is Ian? Every time we get a case that gives you nightmares, you always have one about him. You talk in your sleep, so it isn't hard to figure out what you're dreaming about most of the time." Emily turned her head back towards the window, jaws clenching in anger, hands pulling into fists.

"Jen, I love you, but even if I wanted to talk about Ian, I'd be breaking about a dozen federal and international laws. I told you to let it go the last time you asked about him. It's not up for discussion." Emily's voice was cold, and JJ flinched at the icy chill it pulled through her heart. She had known that Emily came with baggage, but she never realized how incredibly deep it would run.

"Okay."

JJ resettled herself behind the wheel and moved the shifter to drive. Miraculously, the traffic ahead seemed to sense her anger and began slowly creeping away from her car. Somehow, they managed to reach his apartment building only a few minutes late. JJ found a spot and turned off the ignition but made no move to get out of the car. Emily, too, remained rooted to her spot.

"I'm sorry, Jen." She whispered. "If I could tell you, I would, but I can't. I could be arrested just for saying this much to you. I'm sorry."

"Em, it's okay. Really. I'm sorry that I keep pushing. It makes me crazy that you have this whole past that you can't even talk about when it obviously haunts you. I just want to help." She offered a small, close-lipped smile, and Emily returned it.

"I know." Emily leaned across the center console and kissed JJ on the cheek. "Let's do this thing." She whispered in her ear and then opened the door. JJ snorted, shook her head and followed her out of the car. Hopefully, this night would not end in disaster.

As they neared Will's door, JJ's heart pounded wildly. He was a good man, but even good men could be pushed beyond their limits. She took a deep breath and stole a glance at Emily's face. She, too, looked nervous, and that comforted JJ. Emily nodded once, and JJ returned it before she reached out and knocked on the door. JJ pursed her lips to hold in laughter when she heard a bang and then a curse form inside the apartment.

"He always was a klutz in the kitchen." JJ confided, and Emily frowned. This night would be fun for neither Will nor her, and JJ appeared clueless to the strain they would face for her benefit and the benefit of their unborn child.

"Hey, come on in. Emily, there's wine on the counter. Help yourself. JJ, I could really use your help in the kitchen." Will's sheer relief at their arrival was comical. He wiped at the sweat on his brow and politely, if hurriedly, took their jackets. "Every damn time I turn on that stove, it attacks me!"

The throaty laugh that pulled from Jennifer's throat grated on Emily's ears, sparked a slowly growing rage in her chest. That laugh was supposed to be reserved for her, not for him. She breathed slowly, hanging back as JJ and Will immediately headed towards the kitchen and the bubbling pot. She had to admit that it smelled amazing. The ingredients were obviously well-concocted even if the cook lacked talent. She ambled slowly to the wine, cautiously studying every interaction between Will and Jennifer, and poured a generous amount. She'd need it to survive this night, this night that would be the rest of her life.

"Oh Emily, no!" JJ appeared in front of her and placed a gentle but firm hand on her wrist, stopped the glass just before it reached her mouth. "Honey, you're taking pain medication and sedatives. You can't drink."

"Right." She sighed and sat the glass on the island. An odd look passed over JJ's face, but she hadn't the chance to read it because JJ turned back to stove. She sighed and hoisted herself onto a barstool to watch dinner being prepared. She hadn't the heart to tell JJ that she wasn't taking the pain meds or the sedatives, and she lacked the energy to watch JJ and Will prepare dinner and laugh about jokes she didn't understand, so she picked at her fingernails and allowed her mind to wander freely.

"Hey," JJ's voice in her ear startled her back to reality. It took a moment to register that JJ's arms were around her hips, hands resting on her thighs, and her swollen belly and breasts were pressed into her back. "Are you okay?" Emily nodded, afraid her voice would shake if she used it.

"I'd rather cook with you. I prefer someone who knows her way around the kitchen. Babysitting never was appealing to me." JJ's words were innocent, but her tone was deep and seductive. She wasn't simply referring to cooking, and Emily felt a smile spreading on her face.

"Where's Will?" Emily asked and turned on the stool, as she finally realized she didn't hear any clumsy banging or footsteps in the room. JJ stepped back to accommodate her new position and then pressed herself between Emily's knees. Her arms dangled by her sides, almost as if she were unsure what to do with them now that Emily could see her.

"He's in the bathroom." Emily's hands gravitated to JJ's hips, a mind of their own. "Emily, don't let any of this get to you. I love Will, yes. He is the father of my child, but I don't want him. I want you. I'm trying to make my peace with the situation. I don't regret Will because…" She glanced to her belly pressed against Emily's sternum and smiled. "But I wish it had been ours."

"Me too." Tears caught in Emily's throat, and she cleared it. JJ smiled down at her and brushed her hair away from her face. Emily Prentiss may be the most elegant and gorgeous creature to ever roam the earth. Most of the time, she didn't even try, minimal to no makeup, modest clothes and hair styles. She was perfect, and she loved Jennifer. JJ smiled at this sudden realization, fighting the urge to drag Emily out of the apartment and spend the rest of her life in hiding from the rest of the world.

"All right, let's eat." JJ stepped out of Emily's reach and rounded the island.

"I'm sorry about not having a table, but there's enough room at the island, I think. Emily, JJ, what can I get you to drink? I don't have much that doesn't have alcohol in it." Will admitted honestly, and JJ scrunched up her nose.

"Water, Will, thank you." JJ bit out and then turned back to the stew on the stove. Emily jumped as the spoon banged into a glass soup bowl. Obviously, alcohol was a sore spot where Will was concerned.

"Water is fine, Will. Thank you." He nodded and sat two glasses on the island before heading to the refrigerator and pulling out a pitcher of water and a beer.

JJ sat the bowls of stew and some spoons on the island and then scooted a stool to Emily's side. Emily's heart swelled at the gesture and then burst when the guilt took over her euphoria when she watched Will guzzle half his beer in one go. Had Will developed a drinking problem before or after JJ left him? JJ swallowed roughly as she unconsciously brushed her knuckles over her left cheek. Emily studied both of them closely, disgust growing in her belly with each awkwardly silent moment that passed.

"You two want to tell me what the hell happened?" She barked suddenly, anger more with herself for not seeing it before than with JJ for not telling her.

"Emily, please not now." JJ started, but Emily slammed her hand on the table.

"Yes, now! We are here to discuss how exactly we want to handle this child's upbringing and how exactly each of us will be involved in his life. If Will has a drinking problem, it needs to be discussed, too." Emily's anger burned in her throat as the acid steadily rose from her stomach.

"Emily, how our child is brought up is none of your concern." Will answered, showing an anger of his own, one that had been brewing for some time.

"Will, that's enough." JJ stopped him before he began his rant. "Emily is right." She held up her hand when he opened his mouth to speak again. "Will has a problem controlling his anger when he is drunk. He's working on it." She added the last bit pointedly and stared down Will until he hung his head and played with his stew without taking a bite.

"Emily _will_ be involved. She practically lives with me. She is my partner, and I will not deny her parenting rights if she is willing to accept them. It is the reality of this situation, Will. I'm sorry that it turned out this way, and I'm sorry that I couldn't choose between the two of you before I got pregnant, but it happened. And I would not change it for the world. How could I when I have this little life growing inside of me, already bringing so much joy even before he's born? Right now, we need to put aside our differences and anger and figure out what is best for him. Can we do that?"

Will nodded, head still hung in shame, and Emily squeezed JJ's thigh in support.

"Thank you." JJ sighed.

"Will, obviously, we need you to take him when we are called out on cases. Since that happens at least once a month, you will have plenty of time with him, but we need to figure out what to do in the stretches between cases. Neither of us is willing to give up our careers, so I really need you to work with us." JJ began and looked between Emily and Will for suggestions.

"How about once a week we have a shared family time?" Emily offered after a few moments of silence. "All four of us could go to the park or do a sit down dinner or something like that. And then one night a week will be just for me and Jennifer, and one night a week will be just for you. The rest of the time can be divided equally. Since we usually end up working late, Will, maybe you could get him after school until like six and then we can pick him up and put him to bed. These are just suggestions, but I've put a lot of thought into this since I've committed completely to Jen and this family."

Will and JJ stared at Emily in surprise. She'd thought more about how to fit the family together than either one of them, and that fact was written all over their slack jaws and wide eyes. JJ's mouth slowly transformed into a smile, but Will was the first to speak.

"I think that's a great start, Emily." He smiled and made a show of pushing away his half-empty beer as he stood and poured himself a glass of water. "To be honest," he took a drink of water and then sat. "I thought you were coming here to tell me that I'd only get visitation every other week. I'd already spoken to a lawyer about my options if that happened, but I'm going to call him tomorrow and let him know he won't be needed anymore."

JJ beamed at Emily, proud of her smooth diffusion of the volatile conversation. For the first time since she found out she was pregnant, she felt as though everything would work out for the best. Her son would have three dedicated parents who loved him more than anything. Of course in theory, Emily's well-thought out schedule was more practical than the practice of it would be. She and Emily could be gone for weeks at a time sometimes, and she wondered how Will would be able to handle his job as a detective and a newborn son.

"I think we should bring in some extra help for when Emily and I have to be gone for extended periods." JJ glanced at Will and them Emily, watching the wheels turn in their heads. She sampled the cooling gumbo and nearly spit out the spicy concoction. She cleared her throat and sat the spoon on the counter.

"What about Penelope?" Will tossed out suddenly. "I know she works long hours when y'all are on cases, but she could come stay with me at night and pick him up if I can't get there and stuff like that."

"Well, I thought maybe… my mother hired a caretaker service for me when she was away on long trips. I could get the information from her."

"How expensive is it, Emily?" JJ squeezed her hand under the table in a silent show of support of the idea.

"It's pretty pricey because of the type of service it offers, but it would be worth to make sure he had the best care possible. We all have dangerous jobs. I'll take care of the cost, or we can split it three ways. But I would really like to make this contribution. He may be the only child I'll ever have, and since I can't give any sperm or my womb, I'd like to at least use my trust fund that I've never touched to make sure he's taken care of. I'm not trying to rub my wealth in your face or make you feel bad. I'm just offering what I have to make this work."

Emily self-consciously sampled the stew and groaned at the explosion of flavors in her mouth. Rather than commenting, she dug in for another heaping spoonful. JJ squeezed her hand again and then looked to Will for his opinion. The detective rubbed his scruffy face with one hand and flexed the other beside his bowl like he wanted to reach for his discarded beer but fought the urge. He hated the fact that Emily could give his son something that he couldn't but he also knew that this would be the best option for his son with their schedules and dangerous lines of work.

"I think it's a good idea if you're sure about it, Emily." Will gritted through his teeth. "Just as long as you understand that when y'all are home, we will take care of him. My son won't be raised by some stranger." His anger rose again, but he clamped it down.

"I do, too." JJ concurred quickly. "Thank you." She had no problem allowing Emily to take care of her son. Emily deserved to love her son as if he were her own, especially since she'd never have her own biological children. If this is how Emily felt she could best contribute to the care of their child, she'd allow her to do it without argument. Emily smiled at her and let her spoon clatter into her empty bowl.

"That was delicious, Will." She nodded towards the detective who was still clenching his fist on the island.

"Thanks." He stood and cleared the bowls and shoved the cork into the open wine bottle. "Hey, I'm sorry to kick you out so soon, but I've got an early day tomorrow. I hope you understand."

"Of course. Thanks for having us over, Will." JJ responded, only slightly confused. He was still grieving the loss of his relationship with her, and now her lesbian lover just offered her very large amount of wealth towards the care of his son that he would never be able to afford. It had to sting for him.

"Thanks, Will. Goodnight." Emily offered her hand, and Will squeezed it half-heartedly. It was a start, and they still had a couple more months to figure it out before they had to put it into practice. No matter the plan, though, both Emily and Will parted ways that night comfortable in the knowledge that neither one of them would be elbowed out by the other.


	22. Chapter 22

**Hello, my fine furry friends! This chapter definitely took on a life of its own and went somewhere I didn't expect, but I liked it. Reviews and suggestions are welcome!**

Emily propped her head in her hands and groaned. Why? Why did they have to work the day after they decided to stay in Vegas? Why had she drunk so much? Why hadn't Jennifer cut her off? That's right. JJ went back to their room after dinner because she was tired, and Emily had gone to the hotel bar with Morgan and Hotch. The closer JJ's due date came, the tighter the tension between the two of them became, and she'd wanted to avoid a confrontation. JJ continued to press her about Ian, and Emily continued to evade to the best of her ability.

He had become the center of their discussions as of late, him and Henry. What color should the nursery be? Did Ian break her heart? Would Emily take a few days off when JJ gave birth to be with her while she recovered from the strains of labor? Why couldn't she talk about Ian? Do you think Henry would like stuffed dinosaurs better than teddy bears? What could be so traumatic that she couldn't even talk about what happened with Ian, even if she couldn't go into specifics? The constant questioning rolled around in Emily's brain until she'd finally exploded the night before they'd left for Las Vegas and told JJ to back off. She felt horrible about the fight, but JJ needed to understand that she was only protecting her, protecting their family by remaining silent.

Hotch sat a cup of steaming black coffee below her face. The vapors from the dark liquid were enough to perk her instantly, even if it didn't make her headache better. He grinned down at her when she looked up and winked. Only Hotch could make a hangover of an FBI agent on duty seem perfectly normal. She smiled gratefully and took the warm mug in her hands. A breathy sigh eased from her throat as the liquid heated her insides.

"Thank you." She sat the mug on the table near the break station and resumed her previous position allowing the steam and aroma lull her headache away. She was feeling almost normal when a commotion from the hallway pulled her head up. She stood and grabbed her mug. She shouldn't get comfortable or she'd be asleep in a matter of minutes. Some cream and sugar, she decided, would make everything better. The moment she stood up, Garcia burst through the door with JJ in two and a very scared Agent Todd tailing behind.

"Ladies and Gentlemen, I'm not a doctor. I don't even play one on T.V., but I believe young JJ's going into labor." She announced to the room.

"Are you okay?" Coffee and hangover forgotten, Emily rushed to JJ's side. Excitement and panic flew into her chest. It was time. Her little man would be joining the world today!

Hotch calmly announced that he would get the car, and she felt like kissing him. Of course, he would remain calm even at a time like this. Emily grabbed JJ's arm, and they shared a look. If the team didn't know before that they were together, they certainly would figure it out now. They'd briefly discussed how they would handle it and decided that they would not handle it at all. The fewer who knew of their involvement, the better it would be if it ever came to the attention of Strauss. Agent Todd held one of the glass doors open for them, shock and terror on her face.

"Agent Todd, I hope you're ready because your job starts right now!" Emily tossed over her shoulder. The young agent would just have to pull herself together for the task because there was no way in hell JJ would be able to train her. Emily wouldn't allow it even if JJ wanted.

JJ cried out and leaned heavily into her in the elevator, and Emily wrapped both arms around her to keep her upright. Penelope fluttered at JJ's other side while Hotch smirked in the corner. He made eye contact with Emily and nodded. He'd been through this before with Haley, knew how terrifying it could be, especially when there is nothing the partner can do but hold her hand and whisper into her ear. He'd pull Emily aside and give her a few pointers before the poor woman passed out from all of the euphoria and terror coursing through her veins combined with adrenaline. JJ squeezed her arm again, and she broke the connection as she glanced down at her lover.

"It's going to be okay, Jen." Emily whispered into her ear and kissed her head. JJ whimpered as another wave of pain hit and fully relied on Emily to keep her upright. The rest of the world disappeared, the elevator, the busy entrance to the FBI building on the ground floor. Emily continued to whisper into her hair and hold her upright all the way to the car, missing the strange looks from agents passing them. She didn't care. All that matter was in her arms, her partner and their son. Their son. She smiled, even as JJ cried out in pain. Their son.

The ride to the hospital was a blur. Hotch drove and Penelope, obviously taking the hint that Emily and JJ weren't letting go of each other anytime soon, called Will from the front seat and then sent Morgan a text. When they arrived at the hospital, Hotch briskly walked inside to retrieve a wheelchair, and Penelope opened the back door.

"We're here, my pretties!" Her large breasts jiggled in front of Emily's face in her excitement, and Emily allowed the almost hysterical giggle the sight caused to bubble up from her chest. Garcia squinted in confusion, and JJ slapped Emily on the leg for the unnecessary movement.

"Here we go." Hotch announced, still calm as ever, though a smile was edging onto his serious face.

"Babe, Hotch has a wheelchair waiting. I'm going to get out first." JJ nodded and released her death grip on Emily.

The hospital was humming with the excitement of bring a new life into the world. Their line of work, much like Emily and JJ's, rarely offered the opportunity for a happy occasion, so when the opportunity arose, everyone seemed to catch the giddiness of the parents and family. Hotch was immediately on his cell, calling Morgan and the rest of the team in Vegas. Emily quickly scribbled the required information on JJ's admittance form, her adrenaline spiking when she wrote down that she would be the emergency contact for one Ms. Jennifer Jareau.

"Emily!" JJ called when another contraction hit. They were so close together now, maybe five or seven minutes. Emily was at her side instantly and so was a nurse, and then they were moving again. Finally, after all of the excitement, JJ was finally dressed in a gown and settled into a delivery room.

"You just be patient now. The baby will do the rest. It's going to be a long night." The nurse cautioned them and then left the room.

"Jayj, I just got a text from Will. He's on his way." Penelope flew into the room in a flash of color and energy.

"Thanks. Can you tell him to wait outside, though? He can come in when it's closer to the time of delivery." JJ's words shocked both women, and Garcia's mouth worked up and down as her eyes darted between the two women. Emily wondered how she could move her eyes that fast and not get dizzy. Finally, she turned her attention back to her phone and started typing furiously and then fixed a knowing gaze on JJ.

"Spill it." She crossed her arms over her chest, and Emily sighed, knowing that Penelope always got to the bottom of things.

"Pen, now is not the time to…ow!" JJ growled as another contraction pulled her attention back to Emily's eyes, that soothing chocolate brown that made her forget so much pain, mental and physical.

"You're okay. It'll be over soon." Emily soothed and brushed back JJ's hair.

Garcia could comment no further as another nurse interrupted the trio.

"My name is Maria, and I'll help guide you through this okay. I'm going to be with you every step, so if you need anything you just let me know. How far apart are your contractions?" She spoke soothingly as she began hooking JJ up to monitors and inserted an I.V. into her arm.

"They're about seven minutes." Emily answered the question, and Maria nodded.

"Okay, ladies, I'm going to have to ask you to wait outside while I examine Ms. Jareau. I'm sorry, but it's hospital policy for immediate family only to be present in the delivery room." Maria explained and pulled the stethoscope from around her neck, looking expectantly at Emily and Garcia.

"Of course." Penelope nodded and then also looked to Emily who continued to grip JJ's hand tightly, not budging one inch.

"Emily, let's go." Garcia waved her hand, but Emily just looked down at JJ.

"She's my partner." JJ looked up at the nurse. "She's also listed as my medical power of attorney, my emergency contact and my next of kin in my medical records if you want to check them." JJ informed Maria defensively and avoided eye contact with Penelope.

"I apologize, Ms. Jareau and Ms…." She looked towards Emily for her name.

"Emily, just call me Emily, please." She, too, was looking at Garcia, not wanting this to be the way she found out about their relationship. Garcia stared for a moment longer and then left the room.

"Em, please. I'll be fine, go talk to her. Come back when you can." JJ let go of her hand and looked to the nurse, who was making a sincere effort to remain out of their personal lives.

"I'll be right back." She kissed JJ and then chased after Penelope.

"Garcia!" She followed the tech genius down the hall and stepped in front of her when she refused to stop. "Penelope, stop. We didn't want you to find out this way."

"You and JJ? How long?" Emily felt a stab of guilt when tears filled Garcia's eyes and took a deep breath.

"We've been fully committed for about six months now, but it's been on and off for nearly a year and a half." Emily spoke calmly and confidently, not one bit ashamed of their relationship, or the hiding of it.

"Am I the last to know?" Emily shook her head.

"We've been keeping it quiet. Morgan and Hotch have only known for a little over a month, but don't blame them. We asked them to keep it quiet. We don't want to be transferred out of the BAU or worst." Emily pulled the flustered tech into her arms for a brief hug. "Look, I promise that we will tell you everything, but right now, I need to get back to JJ, okay. I don't want to miss one second more of this than I have to." Penelope nodded and tried to smile. It would have to do for now.

Emily raced back towards JJ's room, excitement building in her chest once more. It was going to be a long night, and she looked forward to every glorious second.


End file.
